Thanks for passing this on Ken:
A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present ‘Seven Wonders of the World’. Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.”
The teacher said, “Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.”
The girl hesitated, then read, “I think the ‘Seven Wonders of the World’ are:
1. To see
2. To hear
3. To touch
4. To taste
5. To feel
6. To laugh
7. And to love.”
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!
A gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Take a few moments to sit quietly and ask your heart:
“What wants to be born into my life today? I welcome the birth of something new.”
When something arises from your heart into your mind, welcome it as you would a beloved child, a long-awaited gift.
Let your heart rise up to meet it, and remind yourself:
“Love’s welcome waits for me. I receive this gift that comes to me; I welcome it into my heart.”
Look around the room and find some small talisman that can remind you of this new part of yourself.
Slip it into your pocket or purse, where you will run across it during the day (hopefully, more than once).
Each time you see or touch it, remind yourself:
“Today, love gives its gifts to me. I welcome them now into my heart.”
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Take a few quiet moments to reflect today, asking yourself:
“Is there something in my life that needs to die?”
Consider old beliefs, habits, or ways of being you’ve outgrown, relationships that do not enhance your happiness or peace, thought patterns that lead in that same old circle of doubt or frustration.
Ask your heart:
“What is there in me that needs to die?” and let an answer come to you.
Let your awareness rest on that belief, relationship or pattern and feel how deeply it is woven into your life.
Express your gratitude to it for bringing you to this place in your life.
Imagine letting it go, letting it die, letting it gently dissolve away.
This is an exercise in feeling, so there is no need to analyze this or figure out how it is going to happen.
Simply allow the body to soften, imagine releasing this outworn, outgrown, perhaps weary part of your life.
As you feel it slowly dissolve away, send it your blessing and remind yourself:
“I allow the flow of emotions in myself and others. I let the past be as it was. I welcome love’s unfolding in my life.”
Repeat these phrases throughout the day when you feel yourself frustrated or challenged: “I allow the flow of emotions in myself and others. I let the past be as it was. I welcome love’s unfolding in my life.”
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
It takes courage to grieve, and yet, equally important is the courage it takes to let go of grief.
Think about: the 35-year-old mother of three who denied herself a personal life as she grieved for 13 years after her young husband died of cancer; the woman who read her dead mother’s letters and cried every day for 27 years; the man who did not stop raging for 3 years after his son died in an accident, the person frozen with sorrow, rage and guilt over a loved one’s suicide.
Perhaps one of the best testimonials we can give to our deceased loved ones is how well we recover and live our lives after a loss, not how much and how hard we grieve.
Grief is a natural and healthy response to loss, change and disappointment. It is not to be suppressed or denied or bottled up. But, it is, also, not to be perpetuated so that we stay mired in endless grieving instead of living.
We always have a choice. Intentionally exercising that choice to let go is the most profound lesson of living.
Even if we lose people under terrible or shocking circumstances, we can recover and go on living.
What does finishing with grief entail?
Completion is literally saying “good-bye” to the one we have lost, and expressing and letting go of all the emotions, all the anguish surrounding the loss itself.
Completion of grief is NOT ending our love, forgetting our loved one, or erasing our memories, but it IS, instead, releasing ourselves from pain.
Our grief is intentionally moved from the foreground of our lives to the background. To be truly complete, we must be willing to detach ourselves from both the one we lost and from our grief.
This means disengaging ourselves from having grief be the most important aspect of our lives and from having the one we lost be the only important person to us. It is difficult to do, but this is what will give us the most relief and will allow us to begin our lives anew.
The thought that our soul or spirit is eternal gives many people enormous solace. Some feel we live on after death in our loved one’s fond memories, and that is so.
Some people talk about the life force of a person transmuting into energy after death of the body; an energy that dissipates and goes on infinitely in the cosmos. That can be a comforting thought if you visualize the eternal vitality of an individual’s soul energy coursing through the universe, and…since you consist of the same matter as the universe…then you are connected and part of that very same energy.
At some level, we remain joined – forever!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
There are a lot of options available which allow you to fully express your grief. Find which ones work for you.
Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. It’s OK.
Besides expressive arts (as mentioned in my previous Blog) other helpful strategies are:
1) Screaming into a towel.
2) The Gestalt approach – talking to your deceased loved one. (Pretend s/he is sitting in a chair and converse with her. Talk to her about your appreciation, regrets, etc. and say goodbye.)
3) Lighting a candle.
4) Adopting a hobby or interest of the loved one.
5) Visualizations (guided imagery).
6) Therapeutic touch – promotes relaxation, relief of pain, decrease in anxiety, tension and stress, and promotes a sense of well-being.
7) Writing a letter to the person who has died can be very powerful. This also works with children that are grieving a death. You can also draft an imagined reply for yourself.
8) Talk into a tape recorder.
9) Write in a journal.
10) Experiencing a “Vesuvius” (a blow-out; an eruption) in the presence of a trusted individual with appropriate precautions, rules and boundaries in place.
11) Physical exertion (movement).
12) You’ll want to keep connected to the person who has passed on. You can cherish photos, mementos, and belongings or create any personal memorial. I know people, including myself, who have set up a memorial with photos, and other people who have made a shrine that is much more elaborate and takes up more space.
13) Planting a tree.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Expressive arts can be a great way to explore your inner world of thoughts and feelings.
Some people like to draw, paint, use clay, sing, or write music.
The important thing is to use rituals that are meaningful to you.
Find what your passions, talents and likes are and use them to your advantage in your grief work.
Often listening to music allows you to tap into your inner world.
I have also used thought bubbles that I write on paper…random words within their own circle that I write out without censoring. Those words lead me to deeper emotions and thoughts that I am then able to explore.
Once you are aware of your current emotions and acknowledge them, take the next step and express them.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
To realize the value of a sister/brother: Ask someone who doesn’t have one.
To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years: Ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.
I did…on this date twenty-one years ago…my sister Cindy deposited her paycheck into the bank machine at 7:58pm on the 25th of May–approximately four-and-a-half hours after picking it up from work–and the last time her whereabouts were known before her body was found.
This post went up at 7:59pm on May 25th, 2010–by that time twenty-one years ago, Cindy had already vanished…with blood on the door handle of her vehicle…
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.
It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible—controlling that which we cannot and instead, focus on what is possible—which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.
~Melody Beattie
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
We find by losing. We hold fast by letting go. We become something new by ceasing to be something old. This seems to be close to the heart of that mystery. I know no more now than I ever did about the far side of death as the last letting-go of all, but now I know that I do not need to know, and that I do not need to be afraid of not knowing. God knows. That is all that matters.
~Frederick Buechner
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
‘Tis a fearful thing
To love
What death can touch.
To love, to hope, to dream,
And oh, to lose.
A thing for fools, this,
Love,
But a holy thing,
To love what death can touch.
For your life has lived in me;
Your laugh once lifted me;
Your word was a gift to me.
To remember this brings painful joy.
‘Tis a human thing, love,
A holy thing,
To love
What death can touch.
~Judah Halevi (12th Century)
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James