When we are grieving, Valentine’s Day can be a reminder that our loved one is absent. If this is your first holiday since your loved one passed away, acknowledge in advance how difficult it is going to be. (Even if your partner or beloved died a long time ago, Valentine’s Day can still be difficult!)

Don’t be shy about asking for help—Plan with your friends and family the activities you’d like to do…and those that may be too difficult.

Remember, this feeling is not going to last forever.

This is a hard day. Tomorrow will be different!

Slow down. Try relaxing.

It helps if you can find a way to honor the memory of your loved one—if you can immerse yourself in the healing power of remembrance. To ease your grief you could:

• Go to a special place. (I used to go to a secret spot where the rushing waters of the Yukon River bubbled and swirled. Lost in the sounds and mesmerized by the sight, a peace would envelop me and I’d feel close to Cindy even though she’d had a phobic fear of water!)
• Put together a scrapbook or box of memories containing mementoes, old letters, poems, paintings and photographs of your loved one.
• Give yourself permission to cry.
• Listen to a favorite song or piece of music.
• Write a letter to the person who died. (I can’t stress enough how wonderful this ritual is! Time and again it helps immensely when you are feeling “lost” or “stuck” or emotional…)
• Read something inspirational…something comforting (perhaps spiritual or religious writings if you draw comfort from them). And read it aloud.
• Select a Valentine card that you wish your loved one had picked for you, and mail it to yourself.
• Send a card to someone whom you care about.
• Call a friend or relative—Let those close to you know that you love them even if it has been hard to show it recently.
• Buy your loved one’s favorite flower.
• Create a buddy system and agree to exchange flowers or candy with a friend…just for the fun of it.
• Light a candle as a symbol of hope and remembrance. (Last week I lit a virtual candle at Beyond Indigo. –Cindy James…my sister…lit by Melanie with love.)
• If you feel up to it, go out for lunch or dinner.
• Donate to a charity.
• Reach out to someone who might need your attention.

Perhaps you can think of other ideas…

And remember…give yourself permission to feel good: If you have a moment of laughter, don’t feel guilty.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James