Crime can turn your world upside down in so many ways…especially if you are a survivor of homicide.
There is the seemingly endless grief to deal with, mixed with feelings of guilt for not having protected the victim—a consuming sense of helplessness!
The world seems to be a hostile and uncaring place as you realize, “Another person intentionally took the life of my loved one,” generating feelings of isolation and vulnerability.
If you are a survivor of homicide you grieve the death of your beloved…AND you grieve HOW they died.
Out of a need to protect yourself you may want to place blame.
And there are those annoying intrusions in your grief, as police, lawyers and other members of the criminal justice system need information, evidence and testimony. And when the suspect is caught there are the preliminary hearings, postponements, trials and sentencing…and in situations where the murder remains unsolved or justice is otherwise compromised, there is even greater pain and confusion.
You can experience panic attacks, leaving you feeling alienated from friends, family and co-workers.
Even getting out of bed can be difficult.
“When they murdered my son, they murdered me,” one survivor tells me. “And during the worst of it, I felt like I was going crazy.”
She yelled at relatives.
“I was furious,” she tells me. “I was delirious. Then I learned I was not the only one hurting.”
If you are a survivor of homicide you need to find a place, when you are ready, where you can talk about your feelings of shock, of disbelief, of anger (and sometimes rage), of hopelessness, of bitterness, of frustration, of confusion, of disorganization, of fear, of vulnerability…and your seemingly endless grief. Maybe you can find a group, where you can learn coping strategies…and talk about your experience as much as you like. Or find someone who will “walk with you at your own pace,” giving you support and understanding—compassion.
Don’t build a wall around yourself.
Your explosive emotions need to be expressed in a healthy way, not repressed.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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