Now I think if my sister, Cindy James, had killed herself and planned it, on some levels it would not have been easy (so much to consider!):

She would have had to spend time weighing up the different methods and making it look like murder because, after all, if she just wanted to take her life she could have done it by downing pills at home. But instead, there’s this huge controversy about whether her death was murder or suicide.

One of the things she would have had to consider is the degree of pain she could tolerate.

She would have had to settle on overdosing as her best option and then found a way to acquire the morphine and Flurazepam that was found in her body (neither was a prescription she had). So would she have enlisted the help of drug dealers and how would she know where to find them? Or would she have already known someone who could easily access drugs to pass on to her (and know they would never fess up after her death—good grief, assisted suicide is illegal in Canada so of course the person helping wouldn’t talk!)? Or would Cindy have cunningly stolen the drugs from the hospital where she worked…in such a way that NOBODY would EVER find out what she was doing (an amazing feat don’t you think?) –is it possible? Or would someone have helped cover it up?

So if Cindy planned her death she must have decided she didn’t want to be rescued “in time” (she wanted to prevent premature discovery). So she would have had to also think about whom she did and DIDN”T want to find her body (and pick an appropriate location)! And since there was ten times the amount of drugs in her body necessary to kill her, I’m thinking at this point, “Wow, a pretty definite decision on death!” Not to mention a great desire to feel no pain with all that morphine!

And, Cindy would have had to think about where to do it. Now here’s a huge can of worms with a lot of things for her to consider. How would she have known about the abandoned house and property as a good place to hide her body? (Would she have just seen it one day and thought, “Hmmm…that looks like a good spot.” Or would someone have pointed it out?) And in what would she have concealed the drugs? (After all, no containers with traces of drugs were found near her abandoned car or at the death scene.) …

She would have had to practice tying herself up. (She would have needed to make sure she could do it. Right?) But how could she be sure she could do it with all those drugs in her body? Or as a nurse, and being determined, would she have just KNOWN she could do it in a small window of time? (Lets face it…she would have had to swallow the drugs and experience a loss of both motor and reasoning control…and in what amount of time exactly to ensure she accomplished the feat?)

She would have had to think about the finality of death and prepare herself for that. And think about what would happen to her after death! (If you make a choice to die, and carefully plan it out, don’t you think you would need to feel some sort of peace about it all?)

So Cindy would have had to think about how she would say goodbye to her loved ones and friends (without them suspecting, of course, because she wouldn’t have wanted people to know she committed suicide—otherwise she would have made it more obvious; Was her last letter to me…dated May 2oth, 1989…some sort of a goodbye?). And she would have had to think about whom to say goodbye to. Knowing Cindy, I believe she would have thought about the distress suicide would have caused her loved ones and friends (and maybe that’s why she would have had to make it look like murder—an easy decision to not leave a suicide note).

And she obviously wouldn’t have needed to take alcohol to give herself the courage to follow through (no alcohol was found in her system). —Maybe the extra doses of drugs would have given her the courage?

And if she was depressed, where would that have fallen into all her thinking?

Can you think of other considerations? (How about when and where she would have bought the nylons without anyone seeing her and how would she have paid for them? — she didn’t use a separate cheque and it wasn’t on her grocery purchase. I know that because I found her receipt years later — the receipt the police didn’t find. And her bank account shows she didn’t withdraw money on her day of death so I assume she wouldn’t have used cash.) …

(What if she had DID—formerly known as multiple personality disorder? Would that have made it easier or harder to plan her death, and what do you imagine would have happened in that scenario?)

Does a planned death by Cindy seem likely?

I’d say she took a lot of chances in not being detected or stopped if she did all this by herself! –An absolutely amazing accomplishment, really!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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