Many people who have shared their sorrows with me about their own losses of loved ones have told me how “lucky” I was to have a “meeting” with Cindy (see my previous Blog entry) and how they yearned to also have such an encounter with the person they lost in death. I’ve heard how other people, while struggling with grief, have experienced changes in sleep patterns—had nightmares, hallucinations, vivid dreams and daydreams. And because the yearning to be with the deceased is so strong, some people even try to contact the dead person through other means.

If you are having extended periods of insomnia or exaggerated searching behavior, you may need special attention. It is so important to know you have resources. Seek them out when you need them. You can go to Family Services, First Nations Health, your pastor or minister, a relative, a friend, your physician or Hospice (that’s where I went). Perhaps you can think of others.

Remember, caffeine and alcohol can play havoc with sleep patterns. And if you are on medication it should be one that doesn’t interfere with your REM sleep. Sedation medications can delay grief such that when they are discontinued, the grief will return and you may have less support around you because time has passed.

Be gentle with yourself—you are the best caretaker you have!

Melanie Hack
author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James