Over the Spring Break my children experienced the loss of a schoolmate—the little boy who fell in the river. Upon returning to their elementary school (in B.C. that means kindergarten through grade 7), there were counselors present for any students and staff wishing to talk about what that little boy’s two siblings (who also attend this school) and they themselves might be feeling, and to offer suggestions for coping.

Children’s understanding of death changes with age…and experience.

So while most kindergartner’s believed his death was temporary (with the teachers learning how important it would be to be patient with any child who comes in everyday asking, “Is —- coming back today?), children 6-8 generally understood the boy would not return (and realized it could happen to them, or a family member—They needed to be made to feel safe and protected, with simple, honest information).

And children 9-12 were curious about the biological aspects of death (and had a realistic view of death but thought it couldn’t happen to them).

The oldest students perceived death like adults—but in this age group they tend to get overwhelmed with feelings and move in and out of grief.

The principal was wise to bring in counselors. He knew that when children are grieving (with students exhibiting a range of reactions), they have shortened attention spans and may have trouble concentrating, which will in turn affect their schoolwork.

When a tragedy strikes at this school, the teachers now know it is imperative to observe the students and exercise patience and understanding.

In my next Blog I’ll share specific ideas for teachers. (Remember, you also need to take care of your own mental and physical health.)

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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