When a teacher does something to acknowledge the death of a classmate, the students feel they have permission to do the same.

Children need to express their grief openly—so encourage them in ways that are not disruptive to the class or damaging to other students.

Acknowledge the reality that grief hurts, but do not attempt to rescue the child (or the class, or yourself) from that pain. And although it’s tempting to single out the grieving child for special privileges or compensations, try not to do so—students need to feel a part of their peer group and showing them you have the same expectations for everyone helps them function (just wrap your expectations with kindness and understanding).

Be supportive and available to classmates who may want to know how they can help a friend. Bereaved student’s friends often feel uncomfortable and awkward as they attempt contact. Offer outlets for them to do so (and explore how-to ideas with them).

Almost anything that happens in the classroom can trigger tears so make available a private place where a student can go if s/he needs to be alone.

And make available books and bereavement materials that can help the students and you to explore feelings of loss.

You may also wish to suggest the students write about their thoughts and feelings in story form. (This also works well if a student has lost a pet or family member. When I lost my brother-in-law when I was in grade 7, I wrote about it as a fiction story—what a wonderful release!)

Find ways to remember the classmate who has died. Encourage classroom discussions and expressions of grief—maybe a display of poems, pictures, or drawings (whatever works best for the age of the children).

You could remember a student or a sibling by having the class prepare cards for the family, creating a memory book, planting a remembrance tree, or creating some other type of memorial.

In another Blog I’ll show how nature can help children explore death and allow them to recognize that death is a natural part of life.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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