When my brother-in-law, Larry, died in a plane crash in 1973, his body was fragmented and in such a horrible state from the fire that his casket had to be closed and my sister, Marlene, never got to see him. Years later she told me how she had had such a difficult time facing the reality of his death because she never got to see his body. The only way he could be identified was by a letter from Marlene, which he had lovingly tucked in his breast pocket.

When my sister, Cindy, died, it was of utmost importance for Marlene and I to see the body—even though we knew it was decomposed. Just seeing and touching only the hand was enough to make the reality begin. It was by no means easy…

“God, it feels like I am in a dream as I walk into the viewing room. I cannot believe this is happening. I do not remember who is in the room first, but suddenly I am standing beside a table that has a white cloth over a petite body. Only the left hand is visible from below a wrist, so well wrapped and tightly bound in linen cloth that it is impossible to see any other part of her.

…

Ken [my youngest brother] is standing at the head of the body with his palms resting on the covered skull like he is blessing it.

…

Marlene is in the room somewhere and she is crying.

…

I see Roger [my middle brother] cup the hand attached to the body—I can’t yet comprehend that this is Cindy—in a gentle way and then bend down to kiss it. He says…

…

I take a deep breath and lift up the sheet. …”

Sometimes it is difficult or even impossible to see a body that is badly burned or damaged. You have to make the decision for yourself whether or not to see the body. I strongly urge you to weigh the options. You need to ask yourself, “What is the last visual image I want to have of my loved one?” It is a decision you will live with the rest of your life. Sometimes you are the one who needs to do a positive identification of the body and you have no choice of whether or not to view. As hard as it is to deal with, this too you shall survive.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James