Going through your loved ones personal effects and keeping some of those items for yourself is an important ritual. When the time came for my family to choose which of Cindy’s items we would inherit, I hung onto the railing of Cindy’s deck and wept. All I wanted was Cindy back! I didn’t want any of her things. They wouldn’t bring her back. Possessions meant absolutely nothing to me then. I just didn’t care.

“If only I could see you alive, Cindy, and hug you just one more time. That’s all I want!” It was torturous for me to think I could replace Cindy by having her possessions.

Grief is rarely rational.

The idea wasn’t to replace Cindy; it was to cherish and remember her through her belongings. I wasn’t ready to know what I wanted but fortunately I had a family that insisted I take some things, which I eventually did, and those items became treasures. I’m so glad now that I have them.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James