Counseling is such a wonderful tool when you are grieving! So I encourage you to seek out professional help for both yourself and for your child!

And as you try to go about your life, here are a few helpful strategies: (There really are so many more…and the following ideas can also help children who have lost a loved one under other circumstances.)

Be loving! In fact, tell your children every day, “I love you!”

Spend lots of time with them.

And be patient!

Cook with them. (Let them decide what they want to make.) And eat it together.

And always encourage them to talk (no matter what activity you do together):

“Have you been thinking about your sister/brother (or whoever died)?

“What have you been thinking about?”

“What do you miss most about her/him?

“Can you give me some ideas [or one idea] on what I can do to help you feel better?”

Make sure you really listen!

Ask them to finish these sentences:

“I feel happy when…” (Let them know it’s OK to have good feelings too.)

“I feel angry when…” (Allow them to be angry and to express it in a healthy way.)

“I feel sad when…” (Allow them to cry!)

Talk about the life of the person who died. Celebrate that person’s life.

Talk about positive things that you did as a family while that person was alive.

Ask your children to draw what they are feeling (and allow them to be creative). Then ask them what their chosen colors represent. And always talk about what things mean to them.

Teach them about the different feelings. You can use a ‘feelings chart’ or a ‘feelings thermometer’—I’ll talk about that in another Blog.

Ask them to write stories about what they are feeling.

Ask them to use puppets to act out what they are feeling.

And teach them how to relax (with music, relaxation exercises, breathing deeply, painting, coloring….)

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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