Loved ones left behind after suicides have one striking thing in common: the way they talk about suicide. Rather than saying someone “committed suicide,” they will say that a person “died of” or was “lost to” suicide.

They pick up the pieces of their lives and live in a very isolated and lonely place, often suspecting people blame them for the tragic self-inflicted loss of their loved one and so they shy away from friends and family members…unable to talk about it.

That’s why support groups are so important—because they are empowering.

There’s the stigma of mental illness associated with suicide that keeps people suffering silently…too afraid and ashamed to speak.

Suicide of a loved one brings intense feelings of failure and guilt – that you could not alleviate their suffering, that you did not see ‘the signs’, that you were somehow responsible for their actions. At the same time, family members may feel very angry that the suicide victim never shared their despair, that they left others to cope with all these emotions…and with the social stigma.

Many times you cannot tell by looking at someone that their life is in such turmoil that they’ll actually die of suicide.

“Why did s/he do it?” (Often it’s because the future seems very unfulfilling and undesirable and the day-to-day routine and associated stress, depression and lack of energy is just too much to handle.)

“What was s/he thinking?” (S/he was constantly directing frustration towards her/himself.)

“What could I have done to prevent it?”

“Why didn’t s/he let us help her/him?” (Sometimes pride gets in the way and the person doesn’t want to admit there is something wrong so they stay emotionally boxed in, or help isn’t wanted.)

National Survivors of Suicide Day is coming up next month – it falls on the first Saturday before the American Thanksgiving in November – a day for healing…a day for survivors to connect with others who have survived the tragedy of suicide loss…a day to express and understand the powerful emotions you are experiencing.

Mark it on your calendar.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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