When your mother dies, it can be a life-changing time.

And when you grieve, you honor the deep, mysterious bond of child to mother.

And if you are a daughter, it can lead to personal change in many areas your life because of the emotions that death triggers, and the complexity of the mother/daughter bond…no matter how old you are!

Yes, after the death of a mother, bereaved daughters can break free from their past and move into a new phase of their own life. But, depending on your life history, with it you can experience a gamut of feelings…guilt, depression, yearning, confusion, relief, disappointment, fear, abandonment, release, anger, remorse, isolation, frustration, compassion, admiration …

Allow your feelings to come to the surface…without apology. Express yourself (and in doing so you will understand what issues you may need to work with…what you are missing…what emotions are all encompassing).

Yes, express yourself…either to a trusted someone…or write. Write about your mother’s perception of you. Express your fears, your yearnings, and your anxieties to a photograph of her…especially if you never had the opportunity to tell your parent directly before she died—You can say those things you wish you had said before the death.

And if you had a difficult relationship, explain your actions or views, affirm your love, confide your less than positive thoughts. There is nothing wrong in “talking” to the dead.

Tell your mother how glad you are to have learned so much from her.

Tell her you will carry that with you into the rest of your life.

In another Blog I’ll share more ideas of healing through grief, in the death of a parent.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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