One, or both, of your parents have passed away…and you are wondering, “What next? How do I live without them in my life?”

Keep a physical reminder of your mother or father near you—a talisman, or comfort.

Think about what to keep and what to give away of your parent’s beliefs, personality traits, habits, skills, aims, loves. Which of those will continue to reside in you? Which ones will you nurture? Which bring you less peace and comfort and can be let go?

And since my mother died recently, I’ll focus more on a daughter’s death of a mother. Whatever your relationship with your mother, her death provides an opportunity to honor her life and live your own remaining years with authenticity, being open to new possibilities. And regardless of your age, size, occupation or gender, when your mother dies, you are still that mother’s child.

Immediately after your parent dies, you are plunged into the sharp, painful nostalgia that accompanies the recollections of childhood–everything your parent represented in terms of security, familiarity, and protection seems to be gone. You’re now forced to cope with the loss of parental love and attention that was given, uniquely, to you, and that you depended on, possibly even took for granted. To one degree or another, you grapple with the realization that no one knows you in the exact same way as your mother–indeed, will ever know you as your parent did.

But remember, just as there is a sense of a loss of family history there is also the birth of a mother’s legacy.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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