Losing your second parent can stir up feelings of abandonment—that you’re all alone in the world.

“Orphaned adults” we are called…even if our parents lived a long life…and it was an expected death associated with “old age”.

Yes, it may have been expected…but with it there is soul searching…and a feeling of being without a rudder…at least for me…and at least right now.

It’s been a couple of months since the death of my second parent and I wasn’t expecting to hear, “Well, when you have your parents’ interment ceremony in July that will be the end of your grieving, eh?! You’ll be able to get on with your life…put everything behind you.”

“Maybe…maybe not,” I was thinking. I’ve been handling the situation “really well” in the eyes of some people—to them that means ‘not getting too emotional’.

I expect there WILL be a degree of closure with the interment…but I can’t say that will be the END of my grief.

In fact, It’s dawning on me that I’m really only STARTING to feel the avalanche of emotions around the death of both my parents. (And with it there’s a tad bit of embarrassment…because of my age…because I’m usually always “so together”…because I’m expected to ‘handle’ things well.)

But I’ll let you in on a secret—I really feel like crap…at least today—I’m having a ‘moment’. And I won’t be dwelling on it. But it’s there. And it’s a reminder that I can still be blindsided by grief.

Maybe the death of my Mom triggered, or reactivated, mourning for my Dad. (Maybe I didn’t fully mourn the first parental death because I became so preoccupied with my surviving parent.)

Or maybe it was the ‘not so nice’ comments about my deceased relative that I heard within the last week…and I felt protective (even though there was truth to what was said).

Before my parents died I couldn’t really comprehend what it would be like living without them (Now I know.)—I hadn’t given it much thought, really…just expected that I would weather it well! After all, I keep hearing, “you have such strength!”

I’m tired. I’m Really tired. And I believe there are a few other issues I need to deal with too. (Maybe I need to think about what I want from my life.)

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James