For some people it’s really hard to know what to say when they encounter a grieving person. You want to comfort and help, but feel anxious and stressed because you worry that what you say might produce more pain, so you avoid the bereaved. Here are some helpful hints on what to say:

“I’m sorry.”

“How are you doing with everything?”

“This must be difficult for you.”

“What can I do for you?”

“I’m here and I want to listen.”

“Take all the time you need.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Let’s go to dinner Thursday at 6pm. I’ll pick you up at 5:45. Does that sound OK?”

Avoid the following painful phrases:

“I know just how you feel.”

“It was God’s will.”

“She led a full life.”

“Be strong!”

“It was a blessing.”

“It happened for the best.”

“You are still young.”

“You can have another child.”

“Now it’s time for you to move on.”

“Call me if you need anything.” (Chances are the bereaved won’t call.)

“Do you want to go out to dinner on Thursday?” (Many people have trouble making decisions so it helps if you plan and then ask if it’s OK.)

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James