Your sleep patterns often change when you grieve—While some people sleep more, most people will have trouble sleeping.

The day after first hearing my sister Cindy was missing, I made my first entry in my journal:

“I’m worried sick about Cindy and I had a hard time sleeping.”

Then when Cindy’s body was found (June 8, 1989) and I saw it on TV (before being notified from family about the discovery), I went into deep shock. I felt immobilized and wondered if this was all a bad dream. Despite offers from people to be with me, I slept at home by myself that night and cried most of it. I couldn’t seem to turn off my brain. It was impossible to sleep. My sleeping pattern had been disrupted and I wondered if I would now suffer from insomnia. The next night I cried again and by morning was exhausted.

And by the time I went to the funeral home to say goodbye to Cindy’s body, I wondered if I was dreaming—an experience I shared with my siblings. (We knew that what was happening was real, but it still did not feel real. It felt like we were a part of a really bad movie!) We went through the motions of living but it was like we were somebody else. What a funny feeling. We couldn’t remember sleeping, because it seemed we had no dreams. Was this the dream?

When you grieve, your mind tries to “work through” tough feelings and concerns so you may experience vivid dreams or nightmares.

It helps if you try to go to bed and get up at the same time every day and don’t use your bedroom for napping. Also, keep the room warm but not cold or hot.

And because the yearning for your loved one is so great, it isn’t uncommon to experience daydreaming and hallucinations.

I know people who have tried to contact the deceased.

And I know people who have experienced a “visit” from their loved one. In my next Blog I’ll share one story of such a visit…

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James