“The most important decision we ever make is whether we believe we live in a friendly universe or a hostile universe.”
~Albert Einstein.

It seems pretty hard to settle Einstein’s question with absolute finality, in an intellectual sense, but I can think of it as how I decide to view the universe depends on me—my attitude has an effect on my perceptions and behavior! When my sister, Cindy James, died mysteriously, I thought I lived in a hostile universe—it seemed the police and others were withholding information from my family and I (I questioned everyone and everything; I was suspicious of intentions, actions…), incorrect facts were being spouted in the media (and I wanted to know who’s fault that was), and I was an emotional wreck (I was closed off, living in a prison of pain)…life had no meaning (or fun) anymore and the walls of my world came tumbling down—I experienced a series of disappointments and dead ends to queries and I wondered if I could ever pull myself out of the doom and gloom of it all. At the time I wondered what lesson I was supposed to learn in all of this! –That to blame any other person for any of it was a waste of time and energy? The short-term solution seemed to be blame, but I couldn’t see the long-term solution…happiness. Happiness was a joke to me.I came to realize (through a LOT of grief work and healing, which helped me become aware of my thoughts and emotions) that no person, situation, or event could control my life or my attitude, or my destiny, unless I allowed him or her or it to!I had to learn to be nice to myself and do nice things for me. I needed to listen to my needs and myself, and have the strength to follow through with my convictions. And as I grew to have a more positive outlook, it seemed there were more positive mirrored responses from others. I needed a steady focus of intention—a belief that all was not despair for the rest of my life…there had to be “good” left out there in the world. Eventually I was able to give back to others, in many ways, because I answered Einstein’s question by looking with my heart—I decided it was a subjective question. It was about perception.Despite everything that had happened to me, was I friendly or not? Was my hand outstretched to a stranger?Yes, in the death of my sister, as excruciating at that was, and is, I’ve learned my life is about more than me and any pain I’ve endured. It’s about gratitude, forgiveness, breathing …. –Always a work in progress. It’s realizing that the holes in the flute make the instrument more beautiful!

What’s your answer to Einstein’s statement?

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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