If I am dying and you are afraid to talk to me, what is it you are afraid of?

Are you afraid you may say something to upset me? –Afraid you might blurt out something upsetting like “you are dying.”

Well guess what…I already know that. How upsetting could it be if you tell me something I already know?

Don’t be shy, embarrassed or hesitant.

And don’t hover around me with a worried look in your eye. Take a deep breath and relax.

Do remember though, I may be having a bad day and not feeling well. So don’t take it personally if I just tell you I am not feeling well today and not up to having company.

If I’m up for a visit, let me set the tone for the conversation. I may have things I want to say to you, if I do please just listen. I may try to talk of some past event and you may try to brush it off as nothing. Please let me have my say—you don’t know…it could be weighing on me…something I need to get out while I have the chance! And if I don’t want to talk but want you there, just hold my hand and tell me about your life. Don’t let feelings go unexpressed or words unsaid—you well may regret it later.

Talk to me and treat me like any other person.

Tell me a funny memory.

Do not spend the entire visit trying to comfort me. I am no different than anyone else. I am dying but so is everyone, some just faster than others. Really, who is to know with traffic accidents etc, I may live longer than you.

Lets just have an enjoyable comfortable visit.

Mourn not what you are losing, instead remember and celebrate what you had.

Enjoy me.

Appreciate me.

Love me.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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