A few days ago my eleven-year-old son decided to learn how to juggle.

He was a bit nervous and overwhelmed but determined to use his apprehension to energize himself.

He didn’t worry about if he could do it or not, and he didn’t worry about how long it would take…he just dove in because he knew it would give him satisfaction to try…that it would give him positive feelings.

He started off with three balls of varying sizes and weights, and with trial and error discovered that he had more success if all the balls were of equal weight and size (the balls didn’t immediately shoot off in different directions and heights).

So he had sensory clues…but never having juggled before (and only having watched professionals with amazement) he still needed to figure out what to do next.

So he hopped on the computer and googled How To Juggle.

He found suggestions and tips, but it was still up to him to make it happen!

So over and over he tried and tried…and soon he was juggling 4, 5, and then 6 rounds without the balls falling…even surprising himself with what was possible with persistence, desire and faith.

He still had a lot to learn and a lot more practice to put in, but he was willing to commit to that because he was already seeing results and it made him feel good…even if he couldn’t rival the greatest jugglers.

And it’s the same with mourning.

When a loved one dies we don’t know how long it will take for the pain to subside and for us to “feel better”.

And if we’ve never had our breath knocked out by a death we may not know what to do or where to turn…possibly losing ourselves in grief and getting stuck.

Sure, we can read about grief and listen to people’s suggestions on what to do to help ourselves. But unless we acknowledge the pain and walk with it, and make the choice to dive into the grief work…nothing will change for us.

So don’t be afraid to take the approach of working with your pain. Yes, you’ll likely fumble and fall a bit…but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it to begin with.

Don’t worry about how long it takes.

Don’t worry about what other people think.

Don’t worry about how other people are doing it.

Do what you need to do for yourself.

Take care of yourself, of your needs, of your heart.

This must be hard for you.

Take all the time you need.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James