Once again it’s the time of year when many of us think about Christmas; cards, carols, turkey, family, friends, gifts, love, peace, candles…so many thoughts, so many feelings, so many hopes and so many wishes.

But if you’ve experienced the recent death of a loved one, chances are one of the feelings blanketing you is dread…or perhaps anxiety, anguish, conflict, or loneliness and isolation, especially if your beloved committed suicide.

You may be filled with agonizing questions…or searching for explanations.

The holidays may seem an insurmountable obstacle…something extremely difficult to ‘get through’…certainly not ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ for those in grief.

For all of us, our pain and our loss are private and individual.

And each of us can choose to grow bitter…or grow better.

Try to find comfort in the knowledge you are not alone—in the knowledge that others can relate to your anguish.

Direct your energy towards accepting yourself as someone of worth, someone who has great value to share, and as someone who sees value in allowing others to share.

During this holiday season, find places of healing comfort.

And remember, if you’ve experienced a recent death you aren’t expected to send out Christmas cards within the first year…but you will probably still receive them, although you might receive fewer (because people don’t want to be intrusive, fearful of expressing ‘glad tidings’ when they know you are in pain).

And for those of you who aren’t sure if you should send a Christmas card or not to someone in mourning…well from my experience it’s nice to know people are thinking of you and wishing you well, especially the first Christmas after a loved one has died. At times like this it’s nice to receive all the support you can get.

Here’s hoping your holiday season will be filled with good memories.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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