These days I hear the following words (or something akin to them) in so many places (in movies, in books, in the e-newsletter I received yesterday morning promoting an upcoming movie, even during the intro of last night’s Season Eight of American Idol…):

“Life is a journey, not a destination,” and,

“Live each day as if you will die tomorrow, but plan as if you will live forever.”

But what does it mean for a person healing through grief?

It means, despite the harsh reality of everything that is going on in your life, wake up each day and have an intense gratitude that you are still alive and don’t let the day go by unappreciated. And, as difficult as it might be, at the end of the day recount one good thing (or more) that happened.

This is a way for you to start living in the moment —of seeing the wonder of the moment –of enjoying your life as never before –of focusing on the now –of healing.

Sometimes it seems next to impossible to feel positive or to think of counting your blessings when your life feels as if it is in a tailspin…when it feels like you are certainly out of control of anything and you want to shut yourself away from the world.

Just take baby steps. That’s all I’m suggesting. Try it.

Give yourself permission to feel the negative and the positive.

Yes, there are positives and blessings among the sadness:
—Did someone ask how you are doing (an invitation for you, if you choose, to release some pain)?
—Did someone extend a kindness to you?
—Did you reminisce about beautiful memories with your beloved?
—Are you thankful for caller ID?
—Did you appreciate the comics in the newspaper?
—Did you enjoy time with your pet–did s/he make you smile as s/he gave you love and attention?
—Did a friend uplift your spirits?
—Did you read something inspirational or encouraging or positive to give you hope and strength to continue through another day?
—Are you thankful that your grief journey is not at an intense point today?
—Were you gentle with yourself?

…

Having a moment of thanks for something can make you feel good—it gives you the opportunity to recall a positive instead of always feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed by grief and loss.

Take it one day at a time…and think about starting a gratitude journal.

Or try writing out each of your “thanks” on different pieces of paper. Keep them someplace close to you (perhaps in a memory book or under your pillow or in a secret place) and whenever you need a lift you can reread them.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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