I wish my child hadn’t died—I wish I had her back!

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me—I need you now more than ever!

I know that you think of me and pray for me and that my child’s death pains you too—I wish you would let me know through a phone call, a card, a note, or a really big hug!

I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak my child’s name. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about her it isn’t because you have hurt me—her death is the cause of my tears!

I am working very hard in my recovery but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover—I will always miss my child and I will always grieve that she is dead!

I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months—it may take me a long time so don’t frustrate yourself!

I wish you wouldn’t expect me to “not think about it” or “to be happy”—I must hurt before I can heal!

I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable—I wish you could be patient with me (as I am with you) and know that my world has been shattered!

I wish you knew that all the grief reactions I’m having are normal (depression, anger, sadness, hopelessness)—so excuse me when I’m withdrawn and quiet or cranky and irritable!

I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone if I walk away—it isn’t that I’m intending to be rude…I just need to slow down when the world around me seems to be going too fast for me!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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The unsolved mystery of the death of Cindy James