My apologies if the graphic material in this Blog post offends, but many people have shared what they thought were strange reactions…and they wanted to know if they were “normal” or if they were “losing it”.
First off, there is nothing weird about the way people grieve—there is nothing shameful about what survivors of suicide think about!
It’s perfectly normal to experience hyper vigilance plus specific reactions and behaviors as a direct result of your thoughts about someone’s death—as a result of an abnormal event.
For instance, if your beloved died in a gruesome way and people have advised you to not see the body nor see any photos of the aftermath, because as they say, “That image will remain in your head forever,” you may be left with an imagination that can come up with some pretty awful images of what your loved one might have looked like. And you may also experience new (and sometimes troubling) behaviors, including nightmares.
So if you know a beloved shot himself with a gun in his mouth or to his temple, every time you hear a loud bang (like a car backfiring) you may automatically touch the back of your head (as if someone shot a gun and the bullet found it’s way to you) to make sure your skull is still there, or feel a pain in your temple where you believe the person shot themselves.
Or maybe, if your beloved died from strangulation, you hate having something too close to your throat like a turtleneck or tight necklace, or maybe you wake up disturbed when the blanket or sheet touches your neck.
Someone shared with me how she wakes up seemingly gasping for air because her beloved committed suicide using car exhaust.
It makes sense you would feel/think/react in the ways described above—because if you haven’t had a chance for closure, your mind will create fantasies…a way for you to remind yourself that your beloved did die.
You need to find a way to manage your physical and emotional reactions and work through your grief. And if your reactions develop into panic attacks or post-traumatic stress or flashbacks (where the image of the death haunts you) or persistent nightmares or alcohol/substance abuse, make sure you seek out a professional for assistance and specialized care.  

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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