When you were first told that your loved one was dead, among your first reactions were probably shock, numbness and denial. You didn’t want it to be true. Maybe you instinctively knew that to overcome the effects of grief you needed to accept the reality of the situation and experience whatever pain came up. So you repeatedly talked about the event/death to help bring home the reality of the situation.

Sometimes despite our repeated sharing, the reality is still hard to grasp—times when we need close contact and support of a counselor/therapist.

Did you know there is another way that can help you accept the reality of a death and experience its pain? It’s a role-playing technique called “open chair or “empty chair” –a Gestalt therapy technique widely used by grief counselors and grief therapists as a guideline.

It involves talking to your loved one in an empty chair as if the deceased person were actually sitting there; afterward, you sit in the deceased person’s chair and speak from that person’s perspective.

The dialogue is in first person, and a counselor or therapist is always present.

I adopted the technique and modified it for myself after my sister, Cindy, died:

I pretended she was sitting across from me.

I told her about my feelings.

I imagined what her response would be.

I told her what I was feeling guilty, angry or sad about.

I told her what I would have changed.

And I told her what I felt good about.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James