Let me explain how grieving is like an initiation into insight—if you can become aware of what is happening, you can be awakened to a greater understanding of life (you can have an insight into the truth of life).

Yes, death is a stepping-stone in our journey of awareness—an opportunity for insight. We contemplate the memory of our beloved and what s/he meant in our life (what significance s/he was in the world) and that leads us to a questioning of our life’s purpose—to what our significance is. We ask ourselves, “Who am I?” And we reexamine our goals and our history. I certainly did that after Cindy’s death.

I looked at my past and reexamined my beliefs, my reactions, and my feelings…in order to learn something.

And I focused on changing those things in myself that I didn’t like.

And I came up with a belief, of what happened to Cindy, in order for me to carry on.

Then years later when I researched for my book, I became wracked with sorrow during the writing process as I reexamined it all in order to fit the new facts into my belief system.

But there was also a beautiful release as everything came together for me. —My senses were heightened…I saw through different eyes…I experienced the darkness of humanity but was awakened to the beauty around me. I had learned to really live and experience life fully. Food tasted different. I questioned everything. I found answers and fulfillment and a purpose for my life! I opened myself up to other people’s beliefs and views while I was searching. I looked at what my spiritual/religious beliefs were and where they came from, and I reflected on my beliefs about dying, death and what happens afterwards. I read inspirational writings, meditated, prayed, wrote letters to Cindy and “talked” to her. I forgave my mistakes and those of others. I accepted myself and learned to be accountable to me and not to someone else.

When I accepted that nothing could ever bring Cindy back, I looked at the future and found the greater meaning in her life and death.

Oh yes, it was hard, but I did it…one day at a time…one step at a time.

I learned so much…but that’s for another Blog post.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James