Here is the answer to the last question in my series of six questions about grief and bereavement.

It is common for you, the grieving person, to:

Think that you should have died instead of the loved one.

Be angry—towards others, especially family members and/or god…and angry towards the person who died or towards yourself (especially if you dwell on any arguments you had with the deceased).

Be critical of yourself for doing something to, or not doing something for, the person who died.

Be preoccupied with thoughts of the deceased.

Have a sense as if you are going crazy (because you experience things that are normally not a part of your life—perhaps distractibility, hallucinations, preoccupations…).

Alter your coping style (by using alcohol or drugs or abuse…or more of them).

Have dreams and vivid memory flashes of the deceased.

Reexamine your philosophical beliefs and your life values (you feel you have lost direction in your life so you search for meaning in the loss in order to make sense of it and regain control of your life).

Search for meaning in the death (all those “Why?” questions; sometimes helps you believe the death was not in vain—when the death seemed “senseless and unnecessary”).

Think about your own mortality.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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