Look for “teachable moments”—everyday moments that are opportunities to talk about what your child is thinking and feeling. Teachable moments could be an animal dying or the illness of a character in a book or a movie or …

Ask open-ended questions that give your child the chance to answer in his or her own way. For example:

“How did you feel when Grandma died?” rather than a “yes–no” question, like: “Were you sad when Grandma died?”

Look for hidden meanings in your child’s questions or comments. For example, if your child asks, “What do you think happened to Grandma after she died?” your child may also be asking what will happen to him or her.

Younger children may find it easier to communicate through play or art. Your child may find it easier to talk about the feelings of his or her sick teddy bear or a child in a picture.

Look for signals from your child that he or she is ready to talk, such as asking you questions or bringing up the subject of death, even if it is the death of an animal or an imaginary person.

And look for signals that your child is done talking for the moment, such as changing the subject, looking away, fidgeting, or playing with toys rather than listening to you. It is important to respect your child’s need to drop the conversation.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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