Twenty years ago, during those two weeks starting May 25th when my sister Cindy James was missing, I continued with the motions of working and was constantly thinking about whether she would be found alive, or if she would even be found—ever.
I told my boss about Cindy’s disappearance and asked him not to say anything to my coworkers because I didn’t want them to treat me differently. I believed this helped me to carry on. I did not want people to feel sorry for me. I did not need pity. I also did not believe people could understand what I was going through.
I felt numb and it seemed I was floating on air in a dream, more like a nightmare, and I desperately wanted the nightmare to end.
I was in limbo.
And it was excruciating.
I remembered very little of that time of waiting.
I did not talk very much about Cindy except to my husband and to my friend, Susan. I intuitively knew it would be important to have support available to help me understand what I was going through and deal with the emotions of Cindy’s disappearance and the possibility of her death. Anxiety and foreboding led me to get in touch with the Yukon’s Hospice Society which was being formed, and I briefly spoke with the director, Barb, who was incredibly compassionate. Before hearing my situation and after looking in my eyes, she gave me a big, genuine, hug. I liked her immediately. Since Hospice was not yet operational, she directed me to a counseling service where I met a different Sue who would become my weekly counselor two months later. I learned how important it was to not make any changes in my life that were not necessary; not be rash.
When Cindy’s body was found and I went into deep shock, Sue was immediately available to me and told me to get in touch with her for counseling when I returned from the lower mainland. And my friend Susan would be the one to tell me that Cindy’s body had been found, when she saw the news on TV, exactly two weeks after Cindy’s disappearance…(tomorrow’s Blog post)
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James