I did not choose to become bereaved.

Painful as it is, I choose to allow grief to work progressively in me.

I grieve because I lived much; my child died but my love for my child didn’t.

Since I loved, and still love, very much, I expect my grief to be severe.

I realize that each person grieves differently.

I accept that my wife and children will grieve differently than I do.

As a father and husband, I do have a responsibility to my children and my wife.

I can best fulfill that responsibility if I grieve and allow them to grieve.

Grief, while very real, is not rational.

I accept in others what appears irrational to me.

I am a part of my family and of humanity.

I accept the irrational in my thoughts and actions.

Grief need not drive a wedge between me and my family.

I choose to allow grief to strengthen our family ties.

Unresolved grief continues to produce mental and physical symptoms.

I must allow myself to cry, even openly.

Grieving does not answer the question, “Why?”

Since there is no acceptable answer, I must accept the unanswered question.

My child was a person, is now a person and will be a person in the future.

I can never forget my child.

I cannot return to the normal that existed before my child’s death.

I must go on to what is now to be normal for me.

Getting on to a new normal does not mean forgetting my child.

My child remains in my thinking and my talking now and will in the future.

I cannot be grateful that my child died.

I am grateful that my child lived and I choose to express that gratitude.

I cannot forget the events surrounding the death of my child.

I choose to recall the happy memories associated with my child.

If I allow it to, by my grieving, time will produce a healing.

I realize that healing does not mean forgetting my child.

I could not control the past, which included the death of my child.

I do have some control over the future as I build the future with my family.

My child’s death did not happen so that I might become a better person.

I choose to allow my child’s death and my grief to make me a better person.

I did not understand before I joined the fellowship of the bereaved.

 I choose to become more understanding, tolerant and compassionate now.

My grief has created and brought out many emotional needs for me.

I can help meet those needs by meeting the similar needs of others.

My spiritual beliefs did not die with my child.

I choose to use them to help me through these difficult years.

Questioning those beliefs and values is not wrong.

I must, as a result of my questionings, strengthen my belief system.

I did not choose to become bereaved.

I choose to allow good to come out of what is now so severe for me.
~Robert F. Gloor

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James