There will be several changes in a person’s body when the dying process has started:
They might not want anything to eat or drink. (This is completely normal—their body doesn’t need any nutrition at this time.) If they refuse to eat or drink they might like to have their mouth moistened—there are swabs available to do this and they can be found at the pharmacy. You just dip them in water and place in your beloved’s mouth. Ice chips are also a nice alternative. And you may want to apply Chap Stick to keep their lips from cracking.
If they are having trouble swallowing, this can make taking any medications difficult—you can request meds in liquid or suppository form from the Dr.
They might be sleeping more, and become less responsive. (Just because they are sleeping doesn’t mean they don’t know you are there with them. Sitting and holding their hand can be a great comfort at this time. You can also continue to talk to them and comfort them.)
They will become incontinent as the kidneys shut down. (Using adult disposable diapers will make it easier to keep them clean and dry. If you aren’t able to provide care for your beloved there are many agencies that have people trained in how to care for someone that is facing death. They can be there to keep your loved one clean and look after any needs they have. If you are the caregiver it is important to keep your beloved clean and dry to prevent any skin break down. And try to keep them comfortable in the bed, and make sure to reposition them every few hours.)
They may run a temperature at this time and breathing might become irregular or sound different to you…it might even stop for periods of time (this is perfectly normal and the person is not in distress).
Their legs and arms may start to cramp. (This is from the lack of fluids. Try to gently rub them and ease the pain.)
Their arms and legs may also become cool to the touch (this is from the circulation slowing down).
The main point is to make sure your beloved is as comfortable as they can be…and that you honor their wishes, even if you do not agree.
Death can take weeks or days and be a very stressful and tiring time. Make sure you take a break even if for a few minutes to allow yourself to recharge. Have a friend, family member, home nurse or hospice sit with the dying person for a little bit while you grab a shower or a bite to eat. You have to take some time for yourself to be able to provide the best care for your loved one. And if you are the caregiver, you still need to take time for yourself to deal with your feelings (especially if you have been caring for the person for a while). When family members visit you could take a break and go outside for a few minutes (allowing some alone time for the family member)—just let them know where you are in case they need something.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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