I think what is niggling away at me is seeing his suffering…that ultimate suffering that I know is leading to his death…a suffering that is painful to see in a family member.

I don’t know when his end when arrive…but I know his train is on that track.

He gave me the power to make personal and financial care decisions…but there is nothing I can do to stop what is happening to him.

Before my eyes he is wasting away…getting frail…looking more and more lethargic.

Always a proud person, he has softened…mellowed…and radiates concern and love through his eyes…and through his questions and statements—so palpable it can be plucked out of the air.

It breaks my heart to have to leave him.

Now when I look back at those recent pictures of us together, I see an illusion of emptiness behind his eyes…but having been with him, I am privileged to know there is so much more going on.

You cannot stop death.

Arranged around his room are family photos.

Near his bed is a Christmas tree. The lights have been turned off, but the tree is still decorated despite the fact the holidays have long passed—its presence gives him comfort. 

Yes, death is inevitable and it’s almost time to talk about it with him…and to discuss the meaning in the life he has lived.

To the end I will imbue a gentle cheerfulness and concern when I’m with him, and encourage him to speak his mind.

And I’ll let him know he will not be abandoned—I will stay involved…right to the end.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James