Sometimes it’s difficult to talk with an elderly parent about death or ask hose questions that would help your beloved have closure—perhaps it seems the time is never “right” for such heavy thoughts and conversations or you just don’t feel comfortable asking or intruding on what is perceived as a private issue. Maybe your parent always seems to wait for you to start any conversation and then only answers in brief responses resulting in limited discussions. Perhaps s/he mostly seems distracted. You end up thinking, “Well, maybe we’ll be able to discuss things next time.” And so more time goes by and you realize issues are still ‘in the air’.

I know it can be tough—It was difficult for me to broach some death-related subjects with my father. But I knew I needed to try. I realized it wouldn’t make his death approach any faster by bringing issues to the forefront. And I figured maybe it was just as hard for him to bring up the subject as it was for me to do it. And then it dawned on me that perhaps he was actually waiting for me to start “those” conversations.

Give yourself a chance to connect and learn about your parent’s life by asking about the death of your grandparents. By inquiring about your parent’s history it can help bring emotions and memories and thoughts to the surface about issues you’d like to discuss now. And your parent may actually enjoy sharing…some days—If your parent seems distracted or tired the conversations may be brief—but at least you’ll have tried and you won’t be left with regret later about not having made the attempt.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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