OK, let’s turn our attention away from Cindy’s tragedy (I’ll come back to it) and focus on coping with illness and the accompanying loss.

As a serious illness follows its course, there are many changes that occur. The result? –The patient and the family are continually dealing with losses…

…Of life as they knew it

…Of past abilities

…Of hopes, and plans, for the future

…Of current lifestyle

…Of control…

And these losses, plus the reactions of grief that go with them, can create more uncertainty and a tremendous amount of stress for everyone. (For family members, caregivers, as well as patients, intense and overwhelming feelings may be generated as they try to cope with so much uncertainty.)

There is denial of the reality. (Some denial is healthy and necessary in order to function.)

There is shock and numbness that accompanies any change in condition.

There can be a helpless and hopeless feeling as care needs increase.

There is a yearning for things to be the way they were.

There is anxiety and fear…the fear that there isn’t much they can do to prevent what’s coming (and anxiety that it’s happening too fast), and for caregivers and family members a heightened awareness of their own mortality.

There is increasing loneliness as roles change.

There is an edginess and irritability in relationships with people.

And there is fatigue and sadness and depression, and more.

Guilt often nags at the caregivers: “What did I forget? “Am I doing what’s best?” “I must not slow down.”

And anger, born out of frustration with the situation, can be frightening as family members and patients lash out at anything and anyone—oftentimes at the medical system and healthcare workers.

I’ll talk about anger and what you can do to help, in another Blog.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the death of Cindy James