Letting go is a powerful expression of love. Remember the poem:

“If you love something let it go,
If it comes back to you it’s yours,
If it doesn’t, it never was.”

“But letting go is so painful,” you think to yourself. (Sometimes you may feel that the holding on is all that’s keeping you going…so you “hold on” like a pit bull.)

Please know that saying goodbye (and letting go) doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a process. You can repeat it whenever you need to, and in different forms (you may need to say goodbye to many things: hopes, dreams, wishes…). The repetition helps you feel secure in letting go. I said goodbye to my sister, Cynthia (Hack), many times…

There were times when I fought the process…

—When I viewed her body (knowing I would never see it again) and the shock of her death was still consuming me—I was numb as I said goodbye to her in my mind…but I didn’t mean it!

—When we “celebrated” Cindy’s birthday at the funeral home (four days after her body was found). She was in the closed coffin and I “talked” to her and said goodbye…but I didn’t mean it.

After her funeral when the family was left with the coffin I said goodbye (knowing she would be cremated right after)…I started to believe it…and I meant it…sort of.

At her interment when I gently allowed the fine white sand to sift through my fingers and land on the urn down in the hole, I said goodbye…but I was crying, “No. No. No.” in my head.

And then there were times when I “talked to her” or “wrote to her” long after her ashes were buried and I was home. I said goodbye…and “told” her a lot of things.

When I gave away her clothes (at first one item at a time, then several the next time)…

Give yourself permission to say goodbye. (It doesn’t mean you are turning your back on the love and caring you felt and shared.)

In my next Blog I’ll share some helpful ideas on how you can say goodbye, and, in doing so, how you can have your loved one “come back” to you.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James