After my sister, Cindy James (Cynthia Hack), died, I cried a lot of emotional tears, and at unexpected times:

• When I wrote to a family member or a friend and “talked” about Cindy or how I’d changed as a result of her death or what I’d learned.
• When I did something that I knew Cindy would have enjoyed or when I did something she had wanted to do but didn’t get to do.
• When I thought about the Nairobi trip and made plans, I cried because Cindy couldn’t go and she was supposed to go with my siblings and I.
• When I received a letter from a close family member who mentioned Cindy.
• Sometimes when I was thoroughly enjoying myself (listening to favorite music).
• When it got really cold outside (I was living in Canada’s far north) and the tires lost their normal shape, I laughed and ended up crying because I recalled writing to Cindy and telling her about the adventures with the cold and she laughed. I thought about how she never got the chance to come to Whitehorse and experience these things for herself.
• Sometimes when I looked at her picture or read one of her books that I inherited.
• When I read the final scholarship papers for the memorial bursary that my family set up in Cindy’s memory.
• When the inquest dates changed.
• When I drove home from work and it was dark and I was listening to Zamfir (music Cindy loved).
• Sometimes when I saw an ad on TV about sisters.
• When I wore a piece of Cindy’s clothing for the first time, I cried when I put it on….

Crying definitely helped me cope with the pain and loss. I knew it was a natural process—that if I held back the tears I would be denying how I felt; that I would be cheating myself—my feelings would go underground and I’d have to deal with them later anyway.

So I “went with it” and allowed the feelings to move through my body…if I was in private. In my next Blog I’ll share with you how I dealt with my need to cry if I was in public.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James