Thanks for passing this story on to me, Ken.
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress; lawn mower in his hand, and dish-towel in hers. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer’s night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more. Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return. So…While we have it…Its best we love it…And care for it…And fix it when it’s broken…And heal it when it’s sick.
This is true…For marriage…And old cars…And children with bad report cards…Dogs and cats with bad hips…And aging parents…And grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep. Like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special…And so, we keep them close in heart and mind and spirit.
I received this from someone who thinks I am a ‘keeper’, so I’m posting it to the people I think of in the same way…
Now it’s your turn to send this to those people who are ‘keepers’ in your life.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So He wrapped his arms around you,
and whispered, “Come to me.”
You didn’t deserve what you went through,
So He gave you rest.
God’s garden must be beautiful,
He only takes the best.
And when I saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain
I could not wish you back
To suffer that again.
~Author Unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Ken, thanks for passing this story, with its words of wisdom, on to me:
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. Without saying a word, she let them sit and boil.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”
“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”’
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water.
Each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
“Which are you?” she asked her daughter.
“When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?
How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
Most importantly, know that you cannot change people, but you can change the way you handle adversity…and that just might encourage others to strive for change.
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!
~Mary Sullivan
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Terminally ill patients often see or talk to someone who has already died, have glimpses of “another world” or have feelings of being in “another place”. This may happen several weeks before death. Usually the dreams or feeling are comforting, but sometimes they create anxieties about mental dysfunction. You need to provide reassurance that such experiences are normal, and respond in an accepting way to whatever they see or hear.
And the terminally ill often share communications about going home, standing in line, or going on a trip—references to their desire to complete the dying process. Simply ask them to repeat statements you don’t understand.
Sometimes those who are dying want family members to give them permission to leave.
And sometimes the dying person waits to die until after they’ve had a chance to visit with a special family member.
On other occasions they may wait until a loved one has left the room. Very private people may actually prefer to die alone.
On most occasions terminally ill patients seem to know when they are going to die, even when no one else sees any signs of rapidly approaching death. Patients may call a loved one in the morning to say good-bye, knowing death will have occurred before the next visit.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
What do you think was the most challenging aspect of this experience (of being with your dying loved one) for your children?
“Watching Dad gradually deteriorate and lose abilities that once allowed him his independence was very challenging. Knowing that I’d have to live the rest of my life without his laugh, affection, loving words and gentle smile was also hard to come to terms with.”
~ LAURA
“I wish I had helped the Hospice Nurse who came immediately when John died in her task of bathing him.”
~ SHARON
“I wish I had more time to sit with his body after he passed away. Somehow it was difficult for me to detach from his physical body, even though I knew he was no longer there spiritually.”
~LAURA
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
With flowing tears, dear cherished one,
We lay thee with the dead;
And flowers, which thou didst love so well,
Shall wave above thy head.
Sweet emblems of thy dearer self,
They find a wintry tomb;
And at the south wind’s gentle touch,
Spring forth to life and bloom.
Thus, when the sun of righteousness
Shall gild thy dark abode,
Thy slumb’ring dust shall bloom afresh,
And soar to meet thy God.
~Sarah Mower
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
What was the most profound aspect of this experience for you?
“Being with him as he died. My daughter held his right hand, and I cut the cloth that kept his left hand from spasmodically striking him. We sang to him, prayed with him, blessed him and thanked him. When he breathed that last breath, I could feel his spirit lift away. ‘That,’ I said to my daughter, ‘was amazing!’ His final gift to us was to take away forever our own fear of death.”
~ SHARON
“Being with him as he died was profound for me, as well. What also had a huge impact on me was his bravery and grace as he dealt with his paralysis, total dependency on others, and finally his death. He always had been a patient and gentle person, but considering all that he was dealing with, he constantly amazed me with his strong spirit.”
~ LAURA
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
“The most challenging part of this experience is honoring my husband’s decision to die when I knew how much I would miss him.”
~ SHARON
“For me the most challenging thing was watching Dad’s physical body struggle and slowly shut down as he prepared for death. His not being able to communicate verbally with us anymore was also difficult.”
~ LAURA
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
You can think about your problems or you can worry about them, and there is a vast difference between the two. Worry is thinking that has turned toxic…thinking works its way through problems to conclusions and decisions.
~Harold Walker
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Just before she died, an extraordinary woman who had cancer told me you can never really know what dying is about until it is happening to you in a way that you know it is happening to you.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James