Fill Your life With Love (excerpt from column published Dec. 18/2006)

“The shortest distance between two points is an intention and this is certainly the case when it comes to becoming more loving to oneself and to others. We must first have the desire and then the intention and commitment to be a source of love—this means that rather than waiting for the world to be more loving, we decide that we will be the first one to reach out and act loving—no matter what!”

“Ask yourself: Is there any way I can become even more loving than I am? Can I fill my heart with more loving kindness? Can you, despite the fact that there are less than perfect people in our world, think loving thoughts about yourself and about others? Spread that love around as far as your mind will allow!”

Both quotes by Richard Carlson
Author of 30 books including Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
(He walked the earth and lived a life devoted to peace, love, and the betterment of humanity. May 16, 1961-Dec. 13, 2006)

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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The key is to be abundant and happy with yourself…then from that space you can reach out and help others.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

What would you do? You make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line…there isn’t one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

“When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped, comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me play?”

Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps. Shay’s father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.”

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father’s joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all teammates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!”

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!”

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball … the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, “Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay.”

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!”

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!”

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.”

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

We all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the ‘natural order of things’. So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?
– Author Unknown –

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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Imagine driving along the road, mistakenly thinking you can drive through the water that is running across it, and having your car suddenly swept off the road by floodwaters and into a creek 200 yards away. You hope someone notices what happened but you’re afraid it isn’t until you fail to show up at work that people will notice you are missing…

Or perhaps you are stranded in your village, homeless, having fled to higher ground, because floodwaters have destroyed the local bridge or washed out the only road to the outside world. Friends or relatives have been missing for three days, victims of mudslides or housing collapses, and you strain to hear the helicopters that are supposed to drop food in your vicinity. And then you find out there is more heavy rain predicted in the near future and the local authorities have declared a state of emergency. You see devastation everywhere…

Or imagine being that young mother, watching as your husband tries to cross the swollen river with your child, and in horror you see them pulled under. You think there is nothing you can do, and you are so afraid. Then you notice people nearby who might help…

Or maybe you are watching TV and see how a levee has broken, causing a city’s downtown streets to be flooded…hundreds of city blocks (a 150-year-old record). You watch as rescuers in boats pick up the stranded people who are clinging to rooftops. You know garbage, waste and bacteria are probably floating everywhere. You watch in horror, as one person clinging to a tree appears unable to hold on any longer…

What if that was you in any one of those scenarios (or a scenario involving earthquake, fire, volcanic eruption, landslide, avalanche, tsunami, tornado, blizzard, drought, hailstorm, heat wave, famine, epidemic…) waiting for help to come…if it wasn’t already too late.

How would you feel?

Shock? Numbness? Nausea? Fatigue? –And then the recovery headaches.

Disaster, death, and heartache happen all the time, somewhere. Are we connected across the world through tragedy, forming a picture of a grieving population? Or are we connected through stories and mutual feelings of compassion? It’s your choice.

For some, the above scenarios bring tragedy closer to home because they came face-to-face with it…for others it remains something that happened and will happen, “over there”…

Perhaps we can all volunteer our time, or our money, or our expertise…something…to help when tragedy strikes closer to home, and also extend our assistance to those in need further away. And we can certainly try to prepare for what might befall us, without being consumed by fear, and still be able to appreciate and live our life.

Again, what if it was you in any of those scenarios!

“At first I didn’t think anything this bad would ever happen to me or those I love, but then I got nervous. I heard the levees had burst [or the fire was getting closer, or…] …”

Let’s face it…there are people all around us who need our compassion, our thoughts, our prayers and our assistance…and perhaps one day you might need the same from others.

Give what you can. Help where you can. Imagine a world where everyone helped each other.

In another Blog I’ll share how you can help to make this world a better place by contributing to the people you meet every day.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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Appreciation is a context of mind (an attitude) that colors your experience of life.

For five minutes at the beginning of your day, and five minutes toward the end, sit quietly in a quiet place.

With eyes closed, call to mind the people who have given you intangible (immaterial) gifts. (If this seems difficult, think of teachers, or childhood friends, or extended family.)

As you bring them to mind, say silently, “[Name], you have given me the gift of [name it], and in appreciation, I offer that to you now.”

Then imagine that the gift is reflected back to them by the power of your appreciation.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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You can say, “Have a happy day,” with a gift.

You can say, “I love you,” with a gift.

You can say, “Sorry I have no time to give you any attention, but here’s a gift,” with a gift.

You can say, “I just want to ease the pain and help somehow,” with a gift.

Sometimes, you can even say, “You’re welcome,” with a gift.

Giving gifts is often more fun than receiving them—really! Don’t you love the anticipation of that wonderful moment of surprise and unexpected joy that your kind little action will bring to someone’s day!

And you don’t always need to have a reason to give a gift—try giving for the pure joy of it!

What gift have you given today?

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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Every human interaction is an opportunity for giving and receiving a gift, such as love, friendship, honesty, support, thoughtfulness, generosity, humor, fun and kindness.

And when you give to another, you receive the blessings of what you have given them – such as pleasure, satisfaction, joy and peace.

A generous and mindful friend recently shared the following:
“The other day, I helped a Mom get her disabled son into her van. She was exasperated at the time; her younger child was taking off on her. When we finally got everyone in the seats they need to be in, she turned and thanked me for stopping to help. I told her it was my pleasure. She replied, ‘Kindness is something you just don’t see a lot of any more.’ I guess that’s part of why I do what I do; I don’t want kindness to be looked upon as rare or strange. I want people…everyone…to know that Peace is possible and it starts in our every day lives, by bringing kindness into each moment. The Venerable Dalai Lama said it so well, ‘Our fundamental human nature is gentleness.’ And gentleness is peaceful.”

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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Love is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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Thank you for the heart your loved one gave me.
How strange that it should beat within my chest!
All are one, and that is what has saved me,
Nor does one truly die till all find rest.
Know that in your loved one’s heart a purpose
Yet drives the ancient inborn urge to be.
Our union is not merely on the surface,
Unraveling the words that make me, me.

– Nicholas Gordon –

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, “Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.” The crowd and the young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn’t fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared – how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man’s heart and saw its state and laughed. “You must be joking,” he said. “Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”

“Yes,” said the old man, “Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love – I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges – – giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man’s heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man’s heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side. How sad it must be to go through life with a whole untouched heart.

– Author Unknown –

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
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