When my son and I got ‘lost’ in the woods for the recent Search and Rescue exercise, we each took along some items in our own daypacks to make our adventure safe and fun.
And when the whole exercise was over, I asked a search manager what advice he had for anyone heading on a real outdoor adventure.
Without hesitation he said, “The number two thing is to go prepared!”
And he had suggestions:
—Be dressed for the weather and the outdoors appropriate for the time of year, and take precautionary equipment, even if you are traveling in a car! There are people who have had more than one flat tire (on the same occasion) in the middle of nowhere and it got dark and the temp dropped and they had to hike out for help…so think in advance about what you might need if you encounter trouble…a backpack, a flashlight with fresh batteries, good hiking boots, lots of water, snacks…How can it hurt to have extra items with you even if you don’t need them? It could mean the difference between life and death!
—Take along protection from sun (hat, sunscreen…), bugs (repellent, allergy medication…), cuts, scrapes (a small personal first aid kit)…
—Have extra clothing…a sweater, maybe a rain jacket, or a coat, spare socks…
—And it can come in handy to have a pocket knife, toilet paper, plastic bags including a big one (for many uses like picking up your own garbage, using as a tarp…), a working pen and paper, a watch, a compass…
So what’s the number one piece of advice from the search manager?
Let someone (your neighbor, a friend, a relative) know where you are going and when you expect to be back! Leave a note…and yes, if you can, a map of the area you’ll be.
Imagine being lost in the woods, with no protection, and nobody knows where you are…or even that you’re missing…until it’s too late.
And one thing I’ve learned as a subject in SAREX 2008…when they are looking for you and have found you, it can still take a while to get you out depending on how badly hurt you are and exactly where you are located. As one of the techs said to me, “It’s a hurry up and wait procedure.” They have to follow safety protocol and make sure they have the equipment they need to make a successful recovery.
Once my son and I were located down the ravine, it took a few hours before both of us were safely hauled out. And when I reached the top of the ravine and saw approx 12 rescuers and so much equipment involved in our scenario (not counting the people back at Incident Command monitoring radio transmissions, etc), I was blown away!
When you are lost, a lot of people care and are there to help.
And in our case, we were rescued when it was 35 degrees Celsius (95 degrees Fahrenheit)! If you have a survival story, I’d love to hear about it.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Photos by John Piccolo
In a previous Blog post I shared the SAREX 2008 storyline for my son and I.
I should mention we had with us, at all times, a Search And Rescue radio on PEP 1 frequency (so we could hear what was going on between the SAR techs and IC—Incident Command). And we also had cell phone touch with a search manager at “control”, and in a real emergency we would have transmitted the words “NO DUFF, NO DUFF”. Yup…that made me feel safe enough being out in the woods and down a ravine!
So here’s the story line for the three people we met in our scenario:
Subjects #3 (Carrie), #4 (Red) and #5 (Anne) went for a walk to the falls, where they met my son and I (on a Friday afternoon). Together we walked down the railway tracks, parting company at one of the trestles, after the three invited us for a BBQ supper at their place that night. The three then followed a game trail down to the creek.
Just as they reached the creek, Red stumbled and grabbed Carrie for support and they both fell down the bank and into the creek. Carrie banged into a few rocks and hit her head and vaguely remembered Red going downstream (I found out later that a dummy, as seen in the first photo, had been placed face down in the creek to represent Red). Carrie managed to get to the other side and pull herself out. Her head hurt, and things were very fuzzy. After a while, Anne was beside her, and they both started slowly downstream, and eventually saw Red by some bushes on the other side…still partly in the water. They called with no results, although they saw some movement…they thought.
Carrie’s head really hurt, so she decided to rest…and fell asleep. It was nearly dark when she awoke. Red hadn’t moved. Anne was there, but she had a badly twisted ankle from rushing across the creek to help Carrie climb out. Carrie remembered none of that and she wouldn’t leave Red alone. Anne was worried and wouldn’t leave either alone, so they both decided to wait because they knew my son and I would be worried and looking for them (but of course we were in trouble as well).
At some point they heard a plane overhead and Anne waved. They waited for rescue. Both were traumatized.
Now in the scenario, on that Friday my friend phoned the RCMP at 1600hrs and reported my son and I were overdue from a day hike in the valley. After regulation follow-up at my home, RCMP notified local SAR, who in turn put adjoining SARs on standby for Saturday morning.
The local train engineer confirmed seeing us on the way down the tracks, and on the return trip.
Local SAR did initial planning that night, and Mutual Aid met in the morning. The CP (command post) was set up in Beaver Falls Park around 0830. The situation had not changed, so SAR was deployed. When my son and I were found, we asked about our friends, Carrie, Red, and Anne, and an RCMP follow-up determined them missing as well.
While this was happening, the local Detachment received a call from a local pilot. He had heard about the search on the radio that morning. While flying over the valley around noon, he had seen two people down in the creek bed, one waving. He felt that they were in trouble. He gave approximate Lat/Long position. Command Post (CP) plotting and local knowledge showed a spot close to the CP and near an old road that ran down to the creek. They were rescued.
At about the same time a team was requested by RCMP to go to the falls to check something. An accident followed with a member falling into the pool below the falls, badly hurt. A helicopter happened to be in the area training at the airport. They were activated and a longline helicopter rescue ensued.
Since my son and I had been ‘saved’ by then, we went to the falls to watch the final rescue. Let me tell you…it was fascinating to see someone dangling at the end of the helicopter line and slowly lowered to the creek to perform the rescue…and then see him pulled out, with another person in tow.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
After yesterday’s Blog post about our training exercise with search and rescue, I received this email from a friend:
“So…I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything and bring up tough emotions, but when you and your son were recently ‘lost’ in the woods, did you ever think about your sister, Cindy?”
She knew Cindy’s body had been found near an abandoned building with an adjacent lot “thick with tall bramble bushes and trees”, about 1.5 kilometers from the bank where police found her car, after she was reported missing for two weeks.
And she also knew (because I had shared more details of my story with her) that when Cindy was missing, police had used a hovercraft to search along dikes in case Cindy had drowned or her body had been disposed of there.
My father had wanted a grid search that included vacant lots and abandoned houses, but that never happened…Cindy’s body had been found purely by accident.
And she also knew that when my family and I were picking out Cindy’s last resting place and my brother had found a potential spot, I had been unable to approach it because I got the shivers and started to cry—with the way the nearby tree extended its arms and created darkness below, it had reminded me of where Cindy was found (and I had been to THE SPOT where Cindy’s body was found).
So since I had lived all that, my friend also wanted to know what my motivation was for doing the SAREX 2008.
No, believe it or not, when my son and I were hiding in the woods, I didn’t think about Cindy…I wasn’t afraid…none of that!
I’d had a great adventure with my not-so-little son (he’s virtually my size)…
“That was the most fun thing we’ve ever done together, Mom!”
“Really!” I was stunned…and proud. (We’d played tic-tac-toe and hangman and told stories, and read…yeah, it had been great to have one-on-one time and pretend to be lost together…to get scratched by thorn bushes, bitten by bugs, exhausted, overheated…!)
So my first motivation had been to have an adventure with my son and give him hands-on experience with Search and Rescue.
But because I know how excruciating it is to have to wait for a loved one to be found, I had wanted to experience it the other way around—to be the one lost…and in my case lucky enough to be alive to wait for help (and hopefully gather information that could help someone if they are ever lost—I’ll share what I learned in another Blog).
And of course, to help the SAR techs improve their rescue procedures…well that’s a dream come true because if it helps improve service for real search and rescue events…!
Opportunities for healing and growth surface in many forms. For me, SAREX 2008 was just that. And I’m sure more will pop up throughout the rest of my life…and yours, if you leave yourself open to them.
Thanks for the SAR t-shirt, Ron. Even though you didn’t know this, you’ve given me another healing piece for my emotional puzzle of Cindy’s death—this experience helped heal the frustration I’ve felt about not having been able to help Cindy, or find her when she went missing…and even I didn’t realize it until my friend’s question prompted this retrospective.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Recently, my almost 11-year-old son and I were subjects #1 and #2 in a live scenario for SAREX (Search and Rescue exercise) to help the search and rescue community develop rescue operation, test alerting and notification systems, and cross-train in rescue procedures and techniques in the event of a large-scale search and rescue operation.
Our story line was:
My son and I decided to hike along the local train tracks. While eating lunch at a grassy area just past the first trestle at the beautiful falls at Beaver Falls, we were joined by three other friends (subjects #3, #4, and #5). They walked with us for a while. Near one of the trestles they announced that they were going to cross the creek and walk up an old road to the highway in Beaver Falls. They assured us it was safe, as they had done it before. We parted company after agreeing to join them for a BBQ in Beaver Falls.
Further down the tracks, a mother black bear and two cubs confronted us. When my son and I yelled and waved our arms, they started towards us. We fled into the woods (with my son ‘dropping’ a ‘clue’ ball cap between the 5th and 6th trestle) and stayed there because we could “hear something”. (I was supposed to be afraid of bears.) Close to dark we decided to venture out. It was then that my son fell and hurt his ankle enough that he was unable to walk. So we spent the night, and for some reason my cell phone didn’t work.
The female friend, who dropped my son and I off the day before for the hike, notified the police that my car was still at the same location the following day (and my husband and daughter were out of town), and the search commenced.
Since my son and I had ‘fled’ 55 meters down a steep ravine (and believe me it was VERY steep) and my son couldn’t walk because of his injury, when the rescuers located us (they found the ball cap and we heard them hollering our names and responded) the SAR Techs had to use ropes and a stretcher to evacuate my son. I was subsequently hauled out with the help of a rope harness and was supposed to be incoherent at times, calm others, and obviously a wreck after what I had gone through (try spending the night in the forest…unprepared…with bears wandering around!). By the way, I found out after we were ‘rescued’ that there actually WAS a bear wandering the trestle area above us not more than a half hour before we were rescued—the SAR techs had seen it! Yikes!
Anyway, I asked our rescuers how they knew we were missing and who called the RCMP, and showed concern when I found out it wasn’t the people I was supposed to have supper with: “They didn’t call?? That’s not like them!! Something must have happened!! Have the police check!!” –And then the search was on to find them!
In another Blog I’ll share their scenario and how the days events wrapped up with a helicopter rescue after someone ‘fell’ over a 40-meter cliff (and survived).
By the way, our local paper highlighted SAREX 2008 with an article and photo spread, by John Piccolo, on two subsequent days—what a great way to generate public awareness about the importance of search and rescue!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
“You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.”
~ Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Once upon a time, there was a seed and because it was only a seed, nobody cared to notice it. Thus, gripped by a sense of inferiority, the seed gave no importance to his existence.
Then one day, a wind picked him up – randomly or otherwise he didn’t know – and threw him mercilessly on an open field under the sweltering sun. He was confused. Why would anything do such a thing? But instead of any copasetic answers, he was provided with rain (in addition to sunlight), sometimes in drizzles and sometimes in torrents.
Meanwhile time flew and years later he saw a traveler sitting by his side.
“Thank you God for this. I really needed some rest,” he heard the traveler say.
“What are you talking about?” The seed promptly asked.
He thought the man was making fun of him. Sure, he had witnessed many people sitting by his side – more so in recent years – but no one ever spoke to him like that.
“Who is this?” The man was startled.
“This is me. The seed.”
“The seed?” The man looked at the giant tree.
“Are you kidding me? You are no seed. You are a tree. A goliath of a tree!”
“Really?”
“Yes! Why else do you think people come here?”
“What do they come here for anyways?”
“To feel your shade! Don’t tell me you didn’t know you had grown over time.”
A moment passed before the traveler’s words struck the chord of realization within him.
The seed, now a prolix tree, thought and smiled for the first time in his life. The years of relentless tortures by the sun and the rain finally made sense to him.
“Oh! That means I’m not a tiny-flimsy seed anymore! I wasn’t destined to die unnoticed but was actually born to strip people of their lassitude. Wow! Now that’s a life worth a thousand gems!”
– Novoneel Chakraborty
copyright 2008
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
I’m sorry. I hope that over time, you will find peace. Whether we know each other or not, we’re all in this together.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Sometimes, when I start to cry hard, I like to sit in my dad’s closet, or go into his office. I like to be somewhere that reminds me of him because it makes me feel he is closer. Death seems so far away, an unimaginable distance. When I was in his office last, I found myself surrounded by and in complete awe of the number of books he has written over the years.
Until that moment, I had never taken the time to realize how amazing it is that he wrote all those books. As I sat alone and let myself cry and miss him, I started to pick up each book and examined it closely. I opened each book up a few times to various random pages and skimmed the words on each page. After I finished, I noticed that on each page of each book, no matter what page I turned to, the words written were astoundingly beautiful. Each word brought me a sense of peace, comfort and even contentment. The wisdom in his words is hard to describe. My daddy had this amazing unique way of communicating the concepts of happiness to people, some very abstract ideas, presenting them very simply through his words through his voice. Everything he says just flows so beautifully, gracefully and calmly.
It’s strange because all these years, I never knew what all the fuss was about? So many people would constantly come up to me and comment about how my dad “changed their life” or how “brilliant” he is or what an “amazing writer” he is. I never understood what they meant and at times I even found it a bit annoying. I mean, he was just daddy to me. It was hard to see him as others did. Now, I can see it.
My understanding of the importance of ideas and words and their link will buoy my survival during this period and my journey into college to the importance of teaching and learning – these are the essentials to a life well lived. Reading and writing are not just a means to a grade, they are the means to zap a connection between two or hundreds or even millions of people.
I will never look back and say “I wish I did that differently” or “I wish I spent more time with him,” or ever experience any sense of regret, because my dad and I lived our relationship to the absolute fullest. Whether it was some intense, political conversation we engaged in, or a light-hearted laugh, I treasure every memory I have with him because despite what we were doing, or what we were talking about, it was with him and that alone means it was quality time spent. This too, this sense of deep engagement with those around me about matters of substance as well as just the day-to-day, I intend to take with me to college.
This brings me to the question of self-pity. I think Joan Didion’s words are profound. In a single sentence, “the question of self-pity,” she sums up what the entire human experience can be hinged upon. I know because I wrestle with it daily. Put your guard up too much, then you’re not getting the full experience of life. Indulge it too much, then you risk falling into the void and never coming back.
It’s weird because a lot of people my age don’t know how to handle something like this. They feel sorry for me and I hate being pitied. I hate the feeling of everyone looking at me waiting for something to crack. I can sincerely say that my dad’s death has by far been the hardest, most tragic occurrence of my entire life. All the things I once thought were such a “big deal” no longer come even close in comparison.
This, again, brings me to “the question of self-pity.” Even more so than “to be, or not to be,” the answer to the question of self-pity can lead to something even worse than “not being.” To over-indulge the desire for self-pity can throw a person into the dark abyss leading to a life of numbness. To hide from the pain and over-protect is also to lead a life of waste. To truly live means to face down the question of self-pity.
I certainly don’t have the answer; I just know that it is important to anticipate the question. I know that the question will come back again and again as a part of being alive. I don’t have any pithy profound nuggets of wisdom to offer yet, maybe I never will. I do know that I will get through this, that much I can feel from deep within. More significantly, I have learned that if I can get through this, I can get through anything. I also know that I am in the process of becoming truly fearless. It’s almost as if you can’t live fully until you’ve experienced a significant amount of pain or suffering.
I have learned that when it feels as if everything has stopped and yet I haven’t that means I’m moving, even when it seems almost in spite of myself. If I’m moving, then I’m living, and if I’m living, then I’m going to make the most out of it. I can either stop living, give up and spend the rest of my life missing and wanting my daddy back. Or, I can do what I know my dad would want for me more than anything and that is to continue living my life in the most rich, fulfilled, passionate and remarkable way possible.
~Jazzy Carlson
(Daughter of the late Richard Carlson)
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
When I walked out the door every morning to leave for school, I always assumed that when I came back everything would be the same as when I woke up that morning. Now I know, regrettably, that life doesn’t work that way. Everything might be indescribably perfect one day, then the next, everything else could fall apart. It’s almost as if life can just stop right in the midst of a fairytale, and the only option you have is to start all over from the very beginning in an entirely different life.
On December 13th, 2006 the most essential man in my life-my best friend-my role-model-my daddy… died. For seventeen years, things were great—they were beyond great. Sure, there were a few speed bumps in the road here and there, but none that blew out the tire completely. Don’t get me wrong, I am more than appreciative for all of those fortunate years I was able to experience living in utter contentment and bliss. However, it doesn’t change the fact that the fairytale I once knew no longer exists.
Now is the first time I have ever truly felt that life has actually stopped. And yet, it hasn’t.
That phone call from my mom; the sound of her voice, the way I could hear my heart beating and ringing in my ears, the way my heart fell into the core of my stomach… the news I heard that day was the one thing I had always dreaded hearing for as long as I could remember. But dread does not keep it from happening.
There was a gap of time, a clarity I will always remember, a stillness between delivery and comprehension. It’s not reality. It’s not a dream. It’s not even a nightmare because within the sensation of emptiness, something keeps going. It is a pulse in the middle of white. I could reach out and touch the person in front of me. I could feel the phone in my hand. I even sensed the heft of the tears in my eyes waiting to burst, yet the next part, whatever that is, couldn’t happen. Time had stopped, yet I was moving and breathing. Time had stopped and yet I hadn’t. Something huge has ended and yet it had not ended me.
He wasn’t just a “dad.” He was the dad. He went above and beyond his “father curriculum” and taught me far more than I ever dreamed of learning. And the amazing part was, he never had to teach me by actually telling me. All I had to do was watch this amazing person – my dad – do what he did, which was love. He loved everyone around him. Even the people he really didn’t “love,” he still loved. That might sound like a contradiction, but he would find some way to look past the negativity, whatever that negativity was, and he’d find a way to turn it around. He was one of the few people who truly practiced what he preached.
He didn’t just get lucky and score big on his books from a few wise words that he randomly came up with one day. He actually truthfully knew how to make people establish peace and even bliss in their lives. What an amazing quality to have – he had the capability of changing someone’s entire life through his words… Not just someone’s life, millions of lives.
Such a man can be said to wield a lot of influence, yet you would never have known it if you knew my dad. My dad had a genuine humility and energy that was so contagious, you could feel it the second you came into contact with him. His energy was vibrant, yet calm at the same time. His laugh was infectious, his smile gentle. He was clearly exhilarated by the experience of being alive and had the power to infect others with his passion.
Yet, for all his fame and influence, my father taught me the power of words, teaching, and love – not the power of power. This is what I carry with me on my journey to college. This is what I keep in mind when school or even just the little mundane things seem utterly inconsequential. Words matter. Ideas and love are the vehicles toward being the best we can be as a species in this beautiful miracle of an opportunity to live in this world.
~Jazzy Carlson
(Daughter of the late Richard Carlson)
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
My Father [Richard Carlson] was the most amazing man in my life. No one will ever take his place as long as I am on this Earth. I’m crying right now, but in a happy way because I know my daddy is with me. And I know so many people loved him so dearly and the news of his death is unbelievable to us all. He touched so many lives, and he has changed my life forever. I am a new person now, and there is no more he could have taught me as a human being.
Before he died, my sister was about to hear back from the college, University of Oregon. He was so proud of her. He loved and still loves her so much, as he loves me and my mom. He was the love of my Mom’s life and watching her cry is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my lifetime. I know that my life will go on, and this will be the hardest thing I have ever faced–truthfully the only difficult thing I have ever faced. He gave me anything and everything–he gave me unconditional love. All he ever wanted was to be happy, and to make us happy. We were his world–we were his three girls. But as he watches down on our family from heaven, he IS smiling and he knows that we are going to be all right, because we have to be. We have to get through this. Things in life happen for reasons that we just CANNOT understand. But if anyone would, my Father would be one to tell us that there IS life after death. We have to grieve for the ones we love, and we have to set their souls free. But it sure will be hard. I miss him so much already.
My Father was the bravest, wisest, happiest man I will ever meet in my life. He was the only man I know that truly practiced what he preached. He was the man I turned to whenever I needed a real smile and a laugh. I never believed this could ever happen to the one person who was truly perfect. Life does some crazy things, but God does not give us more than we can handle. Daddy will be remembered for years to come, and he has left a legacy on this Earth that will never be forgotten as long as I’m living. He touched over 35 million people in his life, and he really did live an amazing 46 years. He did more than ten men would ever do in a lifetime.
December 13, 2006. *Richard Carlson: Lover, Father, Brother, Friend. You have touched us all in a way that will never be forgotten. You changed my life, Daddy. I always said that I could never live without you. And I know now, that as much as I feel like I am going to fall and die, I will make it for you. You live through me and the people you love. Your soul is here with me, guiding me all the way.
Someday, when I turn 16 and get my car, I’ll think of you. When I turn 21, I’ll go to Vegas like we had planned and I’ll think of you. When I get married someday, I’ll think of you. You’ll be with me. You are not leaving, and I am not willing to let go of you or your love. When I talk to my grandchildren, I’ll be sure to tell them of the amazing and wonderful man I came from, and they came from too.
My life has changed in a way that I can’t even believe. But I am so very grateful for the ones I love, and I am so blessed to have such an amazing sister, mother, and Father … who lives on forever.
They say, “Only the Good Die Young,” and Daddy, God must have really needed his angel back this time. I love you. R.I.P*
~Kenna Carlson
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James