At the end of 1989 I remember thinking, “Once again another year has come to an end and I’m on the verge of a new decade.”
It had been difficult for me to review ’89 because I automatically thought of Cindy’s death. And that hadn’t occurred until the end of May yet the first 4¾ months of that year were insignificant.
On May 25th, 1989, my sister, Cindy, had disappeared and two weeks later on June 8th (her ex-husband’s birthday) her body was found. The remainder of that year had been shadowed with Cindy’s death. And although the shock had worn off by the end of 1989 and the pain had diminished somewhat, I had still felt an overwhelming sadness. (By that point I was seeing a counselor almost every week and she had helped me to work through so much. And a stress management course I took that October had been somewhat helpful.)
The coroner’s inquest into Cindy’s death had been first scheduled for October 1989, then November, then for the following February! So 1990 had held a great deal of hope (that answers for Cindy’s mysterious death would be revealed).
Every year at this time I review the past 12 months, take note of (and feel gratitude for) what I’ve learned and the people I’ve met, and plan the direction I want my life to take.
I expect I’ll learn a tremendous amount in the next year.
And I think some of the things I’ll focus on are forgiveness and giving thanks and appreciating the daily miracles.
And receiving goodness and love and recycling it back to others.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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This holiday season I was brought to tears when I opened a gift on Christmas morning from people I have never met. Such thoughtfulness and generosity from “strangers” blew me away. (Strangers no more – thanks Dwight and Dean.)
It was a hand painted canvas, based on the designs of Rhonda Kullberg (a Canadian artist), and had the anonymous saying:
Our family is a circle of love and strength. With every birth and every union, the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.
Lets strive to make the world a giant family where we can embrace each other and share in joys and also comfort one another during hardships. I know my life has been enriched and uplifted because Dwight and Dean have joined my “family”.
Together we can strive to bring peace and love to the world!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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I was feeling very peaceful until I heard that a suicide bomber assassinated Benazir Bhutto, Pakistan’s former Prime Minister, today, as she waved to a crowd of supporters. Now, amid political unrest, there is rioting in the streets of Pakistan. People are looking for ways to target their anger and their unshakeable and acute rage–an anger so intense many people can’t stand it.
How short lived the warmth of the holiday season can be when the ripple of death is felt throughout the world.
I feel so fortunate to be safe, living here in Canada. I don’t have to personally worry about a threat of terrorism.
I feel for Benazir Bhutto’s family members living outside of Pakistan who cannot even go to her funeral because it isn’t safe to enter that country.
May she rest in peace.
The eyes of the world are watching what happens next.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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Blessings to each of you.
May you receive in ten-fold all the love and caring that you willingly give to others.
I hope you realize how special you are and how you are valued.
If we all let our little lights burn brightly in our small corner of the world…it does make a difference.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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I fondly remember the Christmas’s that my children strung together plain popcorn and fresh cranberries into long, colorful swags to hang on the tree, along the mantelpiece, or in the windows. After the holidays we hung the strings outside for the birds to enjoy.
And we’ve turned many an old holiday card into gift tags, fancy tree ornaments and colorful paper chains. (In fact some of those paper chains from yesteryear are hanging on our tree this year!)
I also remember the time my Brownie troop made a cookie exchange: I asked each child to bring a big batch of cookies (rolled cookies, bar cookies, drop cookies, or decorated cookies—whatever was their favorite). We had such a wonderful, yummy assortment! (And many shared their recipes.) Each child brought a container to take cookies home (plastic freezer bags, tins or sealable plastic containers with waxed paper or parchment for separating layers of cookies). We also delivered cookies to the local senior home…
I’ll never forget the warm hugs we received from residents who were by themselves. We even hung out with a few – and played cards or helped with puzzles.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the death of Cindy James
Just before Christmas in the year that my sister, Cindy James, died, my mom wrote to me that two of my three brothers would be with my parents on the 26th of December. (I was living in Whitehorse, Canada—far away from all 6 immediate family members.) And my sister, Marlene, who lived back east, wrote that she would be together with my other brother, Roger, and his family during the holidays.
I hated being so far away from everyone and felt it would be a shitty Christmas especially since my hubby would be working the evening and overnight shifts on the 24th, 25th and 26th.
I couldn’t get into the Christmas spirit. Without family or kids around, it was hard to get excited.
I really felt lonely and missed Cindy terribly.
Mom wrote that we could all drink a toast to Cindy at the Christmas dinner and said, “I know we all miss her very, very much. She took a part of all of us with her.”
But despite my apprehensions about how that Christmas would be without Cindy, I had a marvelous time (I had to really put out an effort though!):
I slept in until 11:30am (maybe that was my way of trying to avoid the whole Christmas thing) and 25 minutes later Roger phoned. He helped me to let go of some of the pain about losing Cindy and encouraged me to try and enjoy my life again.
But by the afternoon, while my hubby was sleeping, I was crying. Later, before he had to go to work, I dried my tears and we played crib while we listened to music and sipped spiked tea. I prepared a delicious turkey meal and we ate with our fancy dishes—on Cindy’s tablecloth (it was important for me to have something of Cindy’s to use in the celebrations so I would feel close to her). We also had a good bottle of wine (and a toast to Cindy).
The tree lights were on.
A wonderful fire was going in the fireplace.
The whole thing just felt so special.
Don’t get me wrong—I missed Cindy terribly, but I was thankful for what I still had.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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When death must come at Christmastime,
There is a special grief,
A mourning that must mix with joy,
A pain that must be brief.
There is an anguish underneath
The labyrinth of light
That longs for simple emptiness
To contemplate the night.
But life must bubble on its way
And pleasure be put on,
For neither sorrow nor delight
Is ever left alone.
And, like the Virgin, we must smile
With enigmatic grace
As we receive the fragile gift
That nothing can replace.
By Nicholas Gordon
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the death of Cindy James
A compliment.
Silence.
A laugh.
A walk, either in the crisp snow or rain.
Make a snow angel.
Surprise someone.
Leave a quarter (or more) where someone will find it.
Help someone who’s stuck in the snow.
Watch the sunset or sunrise.
Hide a love note for a loved one to find.
Look at old photos.
Feed the birds.
Go ice skating.
Listen to the storm.
Volunteer.
Have a peppermint stick with your hot chocolate.
Hold a hand
Curl up in front of a fire.
Waste some time.
Sing Christmas carols in the shower.
Get rid of something you don’t like.
Swing on a swing or go sliding in the snow like when you were a kid.
Take an early morning walk.
Surprise someone with flowers.
Have breakfast in bed.
Reread a good book.
Make cookies for your neighbor.
Wrap your child’s bedroom door like a present.
Have a hot shower.
Take a drive on a pretty road.
Take a hot towel, fresh out of the dryer, and wrap it around yourself.
Make a friend of an enemy this Christmas.
Have a bubble bath.
Eat french toast made with eggnog.
Play with a new puppy or kitten.
Make chocolate chip cookies.
Write a letter with your holiday cards.
Visit a lonely soul.
Call a nursing home and get the names of a few people who usually don’t get cards, then send each of them one and sign it from “Santa”.
Give a hug…
Remember, when you help others, you heal yourself. What a nice present to get.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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Healing involves being willing to hurt more in order to hurt much less.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the death of Cindy James
Let’s build up your inner spirit and give you strength for the holidays!
Try praising yourself as much as you can instead of criticizing yourself—tell yourself how well you are doing with every tiny thing.
Look in the mirror…look into your eyes and forgive yourself—you are doing the best you can. Don’t hate yourself for having negative thoughts…gently change your thoughts.
Tell yourself, “I love you…really…I love you.” (I know it seems awkward and perhaps silly, but just try it—you will feel better.)
Take a few deep breaths and release any tension you are feeling—blow it as far away as you can! Then stay quiet for a little while.
You will survive this holiday.
Do what you need to do. (Cry when you have to, escape to a private place when you need to be alone, rest when you can, reach out to your friends and allow them to help you—the way will seem shorter.)
And remember, I’m here if you need to share anything!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the death of Cindy James