It may seem scary and awkward to talk to someone whom you think might be suicidal. You can say something like:

“You don’t seem to be like your old self.” (Use whatever language is most comfortable and natural.)

If you show concern and are open and direct, you can often ask questions and might receive honest answers. (In my next Blog I’ll list some questions you can ask.)

Be a good listener!
(Please see my Blog: Do You Know How to Help Someone…By Listening Well?)

Once the person starts talking, don’t try to be a therapist but listen to the concerns—and leave your judgments behind (otherwise they might decide to stop talking to you)! You are trying to build a space of confidence and security, so don’t appear alarmed or shocked by what you hear.

Teenagers who might be suicidal may have trouble expressing their thoughts and feelings and often have skewed beliefs about themselves and their situation, so don’t get into reasoning arguments or a debate about the morals of suicide—you don’t want to run the risk of increasing their sense of guilt and feelings of sadness. Try to understand their feelings and reflect back to them this understanding.

And don’t be sworn to secrecy—the person needs help so it’s better to lose a friendship for a short time than to lose it forever. (But don’t gossip. Tell someone you trust who can help.)

Trust your judgment and intuition.

Show your support. (“I don’t want you to take your life.”)

Help them talk about the things that make them happy or that they are proud of.

Ask if they’ve made any active plans (if they can tell you how, when and where they will commit suicide, they are very serious about following through).

And offer help immediately (but don’t leave them alone if there appears to be a great risk—and remove all potentially dangerous items [pills, alcohol, weapons] in case they act impulsively).

Encourage the suicidal person to seek help (teachers, school counselors and coaches can help). You may have to insist on help, or contact an appropriate person yourself.

Use your best judgment.

Take whatever steps are necessary to make sure the person is safe!

If the person refuses to talk to anyone, get professional help right away.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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