June 11, 1989, my siblings and I go to the funeral home to see our sister’s body…Cindy’s body.
A few years ago I wrote a Blog post about that experience…about how important it was, especially for my sister Marlene and I, to see Cindy’s body to make the reality begin…about some of what happened in that viewing room with our sister’s body…
Here is an additional excerpt from my book…from that chapter of
I stand at her feet and feel toes under the sheet. They feel bony, unyielding.
“What have they done to you?” I think.
I go to her head and place my hands over the sheet above her forehead.
She has no hair. So it is true. Her hair has fallen off.
I feel where her eyes should be but there is nothing there; they must have dried up and receded.
I feel ill inside and wonder why I am doing this.
Am I morbid?
Am I sick?
Gently and slowly, I feel for her nose and there is nothing—no cartilage, just bone.
I groan to myself and cannot believe what I feel. What has happened to our beautiful Cindy?
Her face is just like a skull.
She has no lips.
My God, what does she look like? I shudder.
Oh, Cindy, where are you? How can you be gone? This is just a body here. I want you back. I love you, Cindy. I love you! Do you know that? How can life be so cruel? God, I hate this. I want to die too. I feel so alone. Can you hear me? Can you see me? Do you mind if I touch you?
I look at the body covered with this white sheet and I feel rage.
How could this happen to such a beautiful, kind person? I clench my hands.
How did you die? I plead.
Were you tormented? I shudder.
…
There is so much I need to say to you. I was robbed of growing old with you and creating more memories together. This is a rotten deal. Oh this hurts too much to bear.
I feel I will go insane.
I take a deep breath and lift up the sheet…
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James