At the ages of 7 and 9 my children touched their deceased great-grandfather.

Perhaps you are wondering if all children should touch a deceased loved one. Children should NEVER be forced to view OR touch the body—they need to be given a choice that will be respected.

If they are going to view the body, it is helpful to remind them that death is final and describe how the body might look. Your explanation could go something like this:

“Grandpa will be lying in a wooden box called a casket. He will look like he is sleeping, but he is not. He is dead. His chest will not rise and fall because he is not breathing.”

For some children, touching the body may satisfy their curiosity, be a way of saying goodbye or be an expression of love. A child sometimes needs to touch or see the body to know that the death is real. (Often adults need this too.)

If the child decides to touch the body, s/he should be told that the body will feel cold and hard. If a child does not want to see or touch the body, an adult could relay that s/he saw the body and that the deceased was not living or breathing.

And don’t forget to ask the child if there is anything they would like to have buried with the loved one. It is usually comforting for a child to place a small gift, a drawing, a letter or a picture of himself or herself in the casket (or have an adult do it).

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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