To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.
~Jo Coudert
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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The day before my father passed away he pulled me onto the bed with him and hugged me hard saying, “You need to understand.”
I wasn’t sure specifically what he was referring to but I had several good ideas and all of them deserved a response from me of, “It’s OK Dad. I do understand.”
I sensed he was trying to tell me that he was indeed in the irreversible process of dying and he wanted to let me know that he loved me very deeply and he wanted to be sure that I was OK…and that I would be all right after he died. Perhaps he needed to know that I was ready for what was to happen.
And I suspected he wanted to make sure I would take care of my mother.
So I reassured him that I understood his struggle, and I told him once again that I loved him and that it was OK for him to be letting go.
I miss you Dad. And on some days, like this past Remembrance Day, it hits me harder than on other days.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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Don’t just learn something from every experience…learn something positive.
~Allen Neuharth
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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The crowd gathered around the cenotaph in my town yesterday was an impressive one, listening as the bagpipe band approached. We saw the RCMP in their Red Surge uniforms…and I felt such pride as I watched my son march towards us…along with the other cadets and members of the procession.
This year, in remembrance of my Father who died at the end of June, I brought with me to the ceremony his military hat adorned with a poppy.
I couldn’t help it…tears bit my eyes when I heard the Last Post bugle call commemorating those who have fallen in war—such a haunting piece of music…a final farewell symbolizing the fact that the duty of the dead soldier is over and that they can rest in peace.
And then when my family and I placed our poppies on the cenotaph (including the poppy from my Dad’s hat) the tears came again.
Thank you to all veterans for the sacrifices you have made.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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It is the VETERAN , not the preacher, Who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN , not the reporter, Who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN , not the poet, Who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN , not the campus organizer, Who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN , not the lawyer, Who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN , not the politician, Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN, Who salutes the Flag,
It is the veteran, Who serves under the Flag.
ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.
~Author Unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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The soldier stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.
‘Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?’
The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
‘No, Lord, I guess I ain’t.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can’t always be a saint.
I’ve had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I’ve been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.
But, I never took a penny,
That wasn’t mine to keep…
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.
And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I’ve wept unmanly tears.
I know I don’t deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.
If you’ve a place for me here, Lord,
It needn’t be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don’t, I’ll understand.
There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.
‘Step forward now, you soldier,
You’ve borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven’s streets,
You’ve done your time in Hell.’
~Author Unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.
~A. Sachs
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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Grief is a normal and personal response to loss.
Grief is powerful.
Grief is a process.
Grief work takes a lot of energy…and if you put if off it will still be there, waiting.
Grieving is like a deep wound that eventually heals and closes…but whose terrible scar remains and still can hurt at times.
Recovery is a choice.
Decide what to do with your grief.
Decide what you do with your time.
There will always be a place reserved in your heart for your loved one.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.
~Michael Landon
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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Crime can turn your world upside down in so many ways…especially if you are a survivor of homicide.
There is the seemingly endless grief to deal with, mixed with feelings of guilt for not having protected the victim—a consuming sense of helplessness!
The world seems to be a hostile and uncaring place as you realize, “Another person intentionally took the life of my loved one,” generating feelings of isolation and vulnerability.
If you are a survivor of homicide you grieve the death of your beloved…AND you grieve HOW they died.
Out of a need to protect yourself you may want to place blame.
And there are those annoying intrusions in your grief, as police, lawyers and other members of the criminal justice system need information, evidence and testimony. And when the suspect is caught there are the preliminary hearings, postponements, trials and sentencing…and in situations where the murder remains unsolved or justice is otherwise compromised, there is even greater pain and confusion.
You can experience panic attacks, leaving you feeling alienated from friends, family and co-workers.
Even getting out of bed can be difficult.
“When they murdered my son, they murdered me,” one survivor tells me. “And during the worst of it, I felt like I was going crazy.”
She yelled at relatives.
“I was furious,” she tells me. “I was delirious. Then I learned I was not the only one hurting.”
If you are a survivor of homicide you need to find a place, when you are ready, where you can talk about your feelings of shock, of disbelief, of anger (and sometimes rage), of hopelessness, of bitterness, of frustration, of confusion, of disorganization, of fear, of vulnerability…and your seemingly endless grief. Maybe you can find a group, where you can learn coping strategies…and talk about your experience as much as you like. Or find someone who will “walk with you at your own pace,” giving you support and understanding—compassion.
Don’t build a wall around yourself.
Your explosive emotions need to be expressed in a healthy way, not repressed.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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