My apologies to readers who have visited my Blog over the last week expecting to find new posts—I have not found the time (or more accurately, the desire) to write as I was dealing with an intense personal loss…that of my Father, plus the added sadness and stress of my mother’s health failing—now that her husband has passed.
Even though she has Alzheimer’s, I think deep down my Mom must know her husband is dead because she has given up on life (she is ‘closed off’ and no longer eating). And yet, she told me he visits her every day.
And I received no usual smile from her.
This is a sad time for my family and I, and I appreciate your continued words of encouragement and love.
Thank you!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Lou and Patricia DeMuro, both age 84, passed away on the same day, five hours apart, in two different locations in La Mesa after a 62-year marriage. The natives of Chicago enjoyed a fond companionship with each other, and neither wanted to live without the other.
On the day before they died, their daughter Jan Griffin of La Mesa arranged for an ambulance to bring Lou from the retirement home to Sharp Grossmont Hospital to say goodbye to Patricia. Lying in the gurney, Lou was wheeled next to Patricia’s hospital bed so they could look at each other and hold hands. During their visit, Lou didn’t say much, but Patricia removed the breathing ventilator mask momentarily to say, “I love you, so long, I’ll see you in another place.”
Then, Lou returned to the retirement home, but he didn’t sleep that night and he refused to eat. The next day, at the same hour when Patricia passed, Lou’s breathing changed visibly, weaker and irregular. Five hours later, before the sun set, both Lou and Patricia were gone.
Would you rather go first? Or have your spouse go first? Why?
Do you have a story similar to this one?
Or did something strange happen when a loved one passed?
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
I want to say a huge THANK YOU to you…my family and I have received such incredible and wonderful letters of love and condolence for the death of our Father.
Also, a big thank you for privately sharing with me your personal stories of loss…your stories of memorial services and interments…your uplifting thoughts and gifts of wisdom!
And I’d also like to share this message from a dear friend, Dwight:
“Monday the 19th [of July, 2010], at 10AM MDT there is going to be a small prayer/celebration service at the Temple for your Dad and you and your family. At the conclusion of this service, I will be inviting the Mindfulness Bell to sound for each year that your Dad was here [90]. Then I and a few others will be heading over to Hawrelak park where we plan on flying a kite for a bit and then releasing some balloons with special thoughts, wishes and prayers for you and your family. I was introduced to the kite flying and balloon release as a way of dealing with grief and celebrating the person and their family, a couple of years back. I find it to be so rich in symbolism and powerful in the healing energy of Mother earth.”
Thank you Dwight and friends!
I can already feel the peace, love and energy!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
When we deal with the death of a loved one or face death ourselves, we can become focused on spirituality and the meaning of life.
In my grief journey I asked myself:
1) What was my father’s tradition?
2) What was my mother’s tradition?
3) What was my spouse’s tradition?
4) Have I been influenced by anybody else’s tradition?
After Cindy died I reflected on my beliefs about dying, death and what happens afterwards. I read inspirational writings, meditated, prayed, wrote letters to Cindy and “talked” to her.
I asked myself these questions and you can ask yourself them too:
1) Is any one religion maybe not the answer?
2) Do I have to go to church to be spiritual?
3) I believe that at the moment of death this happens….
4) After death, this happens…
5) I believe that death is…
Stay connected to your spiritual beliefs and define your life philosophy/spirituality.
After Cindy’s death I searched and questioned.
And now after my father’s death I’m questioning again…and coming up with different answers.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Into the darkness and warmth of the earth
We lay you down
Into the sadness and smiles of our memories
We lay you down
Into the cycle of living and dying and rising again
We lay you down
May you rest in peace, in fulfillment, in loving
May you run straight home in God’s embrace.
Into the freedom of wind and sunshine
We let you go
Into the dance of the stars and the planets
We let you go
Into the wind’s breath and the hands of the star maker
We let you go
We love you, we miss you, we want you to be happy
Go safely, go dancing, go running home.
~Author unknown.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Her father was close to death.
“Is it raining?” he asked.
“No, Dad, it’s beautiful outside—and it’s even more beautiful where you are going,” she answered as confidently as she could despite the hidden tears behind her eyes and the quiver in her voice…“Be sure to say hello to my sister for me and give her a big hug. I love you both so much and I’m glad you’ll be able to be together again.”
With her father’s death, memories of the months of exhaustion, fear, self-doubt, second-guessing, and even complaining (“When will all this end?”), instantly vanished.
She had experienced the death of loved ones before, but never did it hurt like this. She was in her forties, but she felt orphaned—at first there was a delayed reaction and she was bathed in peace knowing his death had been gentle and loving…but as reality set in she felt such a sense of emptiness (that she just couldn’t put into words no matter how hard she tried) and a sort of abandonment and panic (again that loss of words…so “abandonment” and “panic” didn’t quite fit).
It caught her by surprise.
Perhaps “loss” was the word she was simply looking for.
Why that indefinable feeling?
She guessed it was for a combination of reasons—she had just lost her family oral history for one; two, in many respects her relationship with her father had been the best ever for the past ten months before his passing; three…(there were many reasons)…
Although she had grown up and become a caretaker to her ailing father, she would always be a child in relation to her parents—and it was the parent of her youth and childhood that she would bury. But ironically, it was the parent of her adulthood that she would miss the most.
He had taught her a lot! (That was an understatement!)
And she would be forever grateful to him.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
They say there is a reason,
they say that time will heal,
But there is no time nor reason
To show the way I feel,
Just thought I’d write this message
so there isn’t any doubt,
You are wonderful to think of
But so hard to live without.
~Madge
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
He told me about: how he met his wife, their courtship and the fun activities they’d shared—the corn roasts and picnics and skating and drive-in movies, his love for her AND his love for each of his family members… and the specific pride he felt for his loved ones.
He admitted he’d had a difficult time showing his feelings to others.
And looking back now, I realize he must have sensed his decline because well before Christmas he devised a way to reveal those feelings.
I simply helped him execute his plan.
That he had honored me by sharing with me so much of his life’s story was such a privilege. The more I thought about it, the more I became aware of how important it is for the ones approaching death to be able to describe their life story before they must bid it their final farewell.
And to think I had been the one who had provided him the listening ear and the time!
And when he said, “I’ve given up” and “I don’t want this anymore” I knew what he meant and I told him to do whatever he needed to do and if that meant letting go that it was going to be OK…I would take care of his wife.
He found comfort in that.
He found peace.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Lt. Col. Otto Henry Hack (Ret)
May 3, 1920 – June 25, 2010
Otto and Grandson saluting
Born in Poland; son of Jacob and Elizabeth Hack. He emigrated to Canada at the age of 3 and became a proud naturalized Canadian citizen on December 29, 1932. He passed away peacefully in Enderby, B.C. in the comforting arms of his two loving daughters.
Otto was predeceased by his daughter Cynthia Elizabeth in 1989 and son-in-law Lawrence Thomas Schaufele in 1973.
Otto is survived by his wife of 68 years, Matilda, children: Douglas (Starr), Marlene (Peter), Roger (Marsha), Ken (Amber) and Melanie (Wayne); 16 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren.
Otto enjoyed a distinguished 30-year Canadian military career as an education officer including 5 years with NATO (Metz, France), retiring in 1975. Afterwards he moved to the Okanagan and began a successful real estate career, including owning his own company, DAK Realty. He also dabbled in politics at the Federal level and worked for the Housing Board of Assessment.
A world traveler and avid outdoor enthusiast, his hobbies included hunting, fishing and camping.
A private family viewing and cremation was held at Bowers Funeral Home on June 28, 2010 in Salmon Arm B.C. A memorial service and interment will take place at a later date in Surrey, B.C.
If so desired, contribution in memory of Otto may be made to the Canadian Cancer Society.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking with The Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes of his life.
For each scene,
he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
one belonged to him,
and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it had happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered the man and he
questioned the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said
that once I decided to follow you,
you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why,
when I needed you most,
you would leave me.”
The Lord replied,
“My precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”
~Mary Stevenson
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James