The other night I was watching CSI Miami, supposedly the world’s most popular TV show, with my family…and one of the characters, a plastic surgeon, died after being pushed into a wood chipper (pretty gross).
Although watching a crime drama like that about forensic investigators collecting and analyzing evidence and solving traumatic and unusual deaths is fascinating, I find it much more disturbing to watch shows about real mysterious deaths (shows like Dateline, 48 Hours, Medical Mysteries, Dr. G. Medical Examiner…).
Don’t get me wrong…I enjoy watching them all…but just knowing something is a real situation tugs at my emotions and makes me wonder how a family must be coping, or what the tragedy has done to relationships…
And did you see the recent TV movie about the now deceased Irena Sendler, the courageous social worker working for the Polish underground during World War II, who helped 2500 Jewish children escape the Warsaw ghettos by smuggling them out in boxes and suitcases…? I couldn’t help myself…I wept as I watched…and I only caught the last hour! Irena helped place those children with Polish families, gave them new identities…and in 1943 she was arrested and tortured by the Gestapo…but escaped execution. Years later when she was honored, she denied she was a hero and said, “I have pangs of conscience that I did so little!”
Whew…the world could use a lot more people like Irena Sendler!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
On July 26th, 2007, the New England Journal of Medicine published an article by Dr. David Dosa…a true story about Oscar, the 2-year-old cat that was providing companionship to dying people in Providence, Rhode Island dementia ward.
But more than that, Oscar has an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die (in fact, Oscar’s better at predicting a death than the people working there)—he curls up next to the dying during their final hours.
His accuracy has been observed in 25 cases and has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.
“He doesn’t make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die,” said Dr. Dosa in an interview.
Oscar was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center—a facility treating people with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and other illnesses. After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Marlene, thanks for passing this along:
In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
“Years ago, my sister-in-law started a family tradition. Every Easter, after the meal, everyone who’s at the table writes on the tablecloth a few words about what they were thankful for in the past year, then signs it and writes the date.
Last year, she didn’t use the Easter tablecloth because Ted (my husband) had just died the day before, and we were all still in shock. But this year, she brought it out again and people wrote down their thanks.
When it was my turn, I cried when I re-read all the things Ted had written there over past holidays. I didn’t know what to write. What did I have to be thankful about? Certainly not 12 months of heartache and sleepless nights, or struggling to pick up the pieces of my shattered world, or the people who have turned away from me because they can’t see beyond their own discomfort with grief.
For a minute I thought of telling my in-laws, ‘I just can’t do this now.’ Then I thought a little longer, and began to write:
‘I’m thankful to … and for the dear family and friends who sustain me.’”
What about you?
What blessings have you found among the sadness during your grief journey this past year?
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
As you travel through life there are always those times
when decisions just have to be made,
when the choices are hard and solutions seem scarce
and the rain seems to soak your parade!
There are some situations where all you can do
is to simply let go and move on,
gather courage together and choose a direction
that carries you toward a new dawn.
So pack up your troubles and take a step forward.
The process of change can be tough.
But think about all the excitement ahead,
if you can be stalwart enough!
There could be adventures you never imagined
just waiting around the next bend
and wishes and dreams just about to come true
in ways you can’t yet comprehend!
Perhaps you’ll find friendships that spring from new interests,
as you challenge your status quo
and learn there are so many options in life,
and so many ways you can grow!
Perhaps you’ll go places you never expected
and see things that you’ve never seen,
or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds
and wonderful spots in between!
Perhaps you’ll find warmth, affection and caring,
a “somebody special” who’s there
to help you stay centered and listen with interest
to stories and feelings you share.
Perhaps you’ll find comfort in knowing your friends
are supportive of all that you do
and believe that whatever decisions you make,
they’ll be the right choices for you!
So keep putting one foot in front of the other
and taking your life day by day.
There’s a brighter tomorrow that’s just down the road.
Don’t look back, you’re not going that way!
~Author Unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things ‘in order’, she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
“There’s one more thing,” she said excitedly.
“What’s that?” came the pastor’s reply.
“This is very important,” the woman continued. “I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.”
The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say. “That surprises you, doesn’t it?” the woman asked.
“Well, to be honest, I’m puzzled by the request,” said the pastor.
The woman explained, “In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, ‘Keep your fork.’ It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming…like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder ‘What’s with the fork?’ Then I want you to tell them: “Keep your fork…the best is yet to come.”
The pastor’s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman goodbye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the woman’s casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and her favorite Bible and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question “What’s with the fork?” And over and over he smiled.
During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right.
So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you, oh so gently, that the best is yet to come…
~Author unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Once upon a time there was a good old woman who lived in a little house. She had in her garden a bed of beautiful striped tulips. One night she was wakened by the sounds of sweet singing and of babies laughing. She looked out of the window and the sounds seemed to be coming from the tulip bed, but she couldn’t see anything. The next morning she walked among her flowers, but there were no signs of anyone having been there the night before.
On the following night she was again wakened by sweet singing and the sound of babies laughing. She rose and stole softly through her garden. The moon was shining brightly on the tulip bed, and the flowers were swaying to and fro. The old woman looked closely and she saw, standing by each tulip, a little fairy mother who was crooning and rocking the flower like a cradle, while in each tulip cup lay a little baby fairy laughing and playing.
The old woman was a kind-hearted soul, and so she stole quietly back to her house, and from that time on she never picked another tulip, nor did she allow her neighbors to touch them.
The tulips grew brighter in color and larger in size day by day, and they gave off a delicious perfume, like that of roses. They began to bloom all the year round too. And every night the little fairy mothers caressed their babies and rocked them to sleep in the flower cups.
Eventually, the day came, as it must, when the good old woman died, and the tulip bed was torn up by people who did not know any better, they didn’t know about the fairies, they didn’t know about the babies, and instead of tulips they planted parsley, but the parsley withered, and died, and so did all the other plants in the garden, and from that time on nothing would grow there.
But the good old woman’s grave grew beautiful, for the fairies sang above it, and kept it green – while on the grave and all around it there sprang up tulips, daffodils, and violets, and all the other lovely flowers of spring.
~An English folk-tale
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
I can’t give solutions to all of life’s problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we can seek answers.
I can’t change your past with all its heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories. But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can’t keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine. Yet I can share in your laughter and joy.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge. I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.
I can’t give you boundaries which I have determined for you. But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.
I can’t keep your heart from breaking and hurting. But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.
I can’t tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.
~Author Unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.
May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.
Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.
May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace.
May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.
Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.
Teach love to those who know hate, and let that love embrace you as you go into the world.
May the teaching of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.
Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form.
May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you.
Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way.
What you may feel you lack in one regard may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future.
May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.
May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another’s judgments of your accomplishments.
May you always feel loved.
~Author Unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Do you have a loved one who is entering his/her final stage and life and want to know more about what changes to expect?
Do you want to know more about how you can help your beloved prepare for his/her death? Or how to help a family member cope?
Do you want more information about when the right time is to discontinue a feeding tube or to discontinue life-support?
Do you wonder how you can set up care at home so your beloved can die in familiar surroundings?
Do you want to know what you can expect as cancer or cardiac disease or diabetes or respiratory disease or other conditions progress?
Do you wonder about what to say to children about death?
Well all these questions (and so many more) are answered at Canada’s virtual hospice site. —A bilingual palliative care network offering end-of-life support and information! And did you know it’s been operational for five years (since Feb 6, 2004)?
Within this site there’s a place for you to share your story about life-threatening illness, loss or grief…a place to read other people’s stories…a place to ask questions (about loss and life-threatening illness) of professionals…an online research survey that studies people from rural communities…and a place where experts contribute articles on advances in palliative care.
This site is an unbelievably fantastic place!
You can also click on a map of Canada to find resources, programs and services in your area! How cool is that!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James