Due to an overwhelming response on the topic of sleep paralysis, I’ll be posting more of your true-life experiences. Here’s one:

“One morning I awoke with a feeling that I wasn’t alone and then a feeling of sheer terror came over me. I was lying on my stomach and my entire body began to sink into the mattress. It was a crushing pressure and I could barely breathe. My head was turned to the side and I had my eyes open. I was not sleeping. I could see that my head was pushed at least 4 inches into that mattress. I wasn’t ‘paralyzed’. A malevolent force was forcing my entire body into the mattress. I stopped struggling and waited several minutes. The pressure released and the presence left the room. I was scared to death.”

~Shawna

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

Although I didn’t know it at the time, Cindy’s case (already on the “best of” or “most infamous murder cases of our time” CD by UM, under the category of Bizarre Murders) was recently re-aired on TV by Unsolved Mysteries.
(When my stats showed a sharp increase in hits, visits, returns and bookmarkings to my website and Blog, I should have known that was why! – Thanks to all of you who brought the re-airing to my attention!)

Even almost twenty years after her death, the interest in Cindy’s case is HUGE…and growing! And I can’t believe how many of you took the leap to contact me in order to share your remembrances, insights, thoughts and new facts about Cindy and her case. (It’s partially because of new information over the past year or so that my book has been delayed.)

I’m grateful to UM for keeping Cindy’s story “out there”.

And I’m delighted to now have contact with Cindy’s friends from days of old…from before she went to nurses training – from a period of time before I knew Cindy well (because of our 17-year age difference).

And I appreciate the contact from professionals in the psychiatric community, the nursing profession, police enforcement, and so on!

Isn’t modern technology helpful sometimes!

So to other families wrapped in confusion over the death of a loved one, take heart—given time, there is the possibility for you to gather information not immediately available upon death, if you just keep searching and leave doors open! Use whatever resources you can.

And to those of you who have not contacted me yet…my door is always open! 

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

Last year when my family was looking for a home for one of our two six-month-old kittens, lots of people showed interest in adoption.

We decided to go with a single parent family having three children whose beloved cat had died.

Within that family was a little girl named Angela.

She and her family had experienced a lot of struggles.

But they were ready to adopt another pet.

Our kittens had been neutered and had received their shots and we were simply looking for a loving home for one of them.

I’ll never forget the look on Angela’s face when she saw Snowball’s blue eyes and white fur…and realized he was her family pet from that moment on!

She adored him.

But once Snowball was no longer living with us we missed him…but not nearly as much as his brother who hunted high and low for him (inside and outside the house) and approached us with a sad mewing sound for a few days (as if to ask, “Where is he hiding? Tell me, please.”).

We showered Tiger with affection and played his favorite game, “fetch” (yes, just as a dog plays it—Tiger was smart) and soon he was no longer mewing or forever searching for his companion.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

Do pets grieve?

Well if we base our opinion on their behavior, yes, they can grieve.

If you recently experienced the death of a pet like I have, and have a surviving companion pet that has:
Stopped eating or is eating less,
Become aloof,
Become lethargic,
Become clingy and more affectionate,
Lost interest in her/his favorite activities,
Soiled in the house (and s/he’s house-trained),
Sat at a window for days watching for her/his companion to return or searched room-to-room looking for the deceased friend,
Become more vocal than normal or howls or whines or has become quiet,
Started sleeping somewhere different,
Changed the amount of sleep s/he gets, 

… Your pet is probably grieving.

What are you to do?

When our cat, Oreo, died last week, our other cat, Pumpkin, became quite vocal and roamed the house and has been nudging us for affection and attention ever since. So we are showering Pumpkin with lots of love, playing with her whenever we can and leaving our bedroom door open at night so she can have the companionship she’s missing from her friend. Right up to the end of Oreo’s life, Pumpkin was grooming Oreo and sleeping beside her to generate heat for her. Never one to be so demonstrative with all the members of our household, Pumpkin now loves to curl up on everyone’s lap.

So yes, give your surviving pet more attention and affection and try to engage her in her favorite activities.

You can also hide toys and treats in her favorite spots for her to find during the day.

And take her for more outings if she enjoys going out.

Also, it helps to have a set routine for feeding, grooming and playtimes.

I know some people who have let the surviving pet sniff and even snuggle with the dead pet in order to say goodbye before burial or cremation.

And others have cut off some hair from the deceased pet’s body to show to the companion, and verbally explained the death—your animal may not understand the words but it will feel the intonations and feelings behind the words.

And yes, cats can mourn the loss of a dog and a dog can mourn the death of a cat!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play  together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….
~Author unknown

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

“Did you see Oreo’s belly? When she came up the stairs her belly looked big. Have a look,” my husband implored.

(That request was shared a little more than two weeks ago, on a Tuesday. And today, astonishingly, that one-year-old, black-and-white, short haired angel of a cat named Oreo is gone from this world. It happened that fast!)

Thinking the cat food I had switched her to the day before might have created a digestive problem, I immediately changed Oreo back to kitten food when I saw her potbelly.

She was spayed, so I knew she couldn’t be pregnant. But could a spayed cat exhibit a false pregnancy…and to that extent? If so, I learned it would fade within a few weeks. So we watched her carefully for a few days. Still, her nipples weren’t pink and swollen so I thought it was highly unlikely to be a false pregnancy.

But the swollen belly persisted. In fact, it appeared to be getting bigger! She was pretty much eating and drinking as usual (although that was soon to change), and was active as always and didn’t display any signs of pain. So what else could be going on?

In November we had adopted Oreo from the SPCA and she had stayed indoors ever since…so I knew she hadn’t hunted rodents since we had her. Nor had she dug in any soil. Just the same, I checked her stools but found no evidence of worms and their eggs.

And she wasn’t vomiting…but her stools soon turned to bouts of diarrhea.

This was quite the puzzle.

While I used the Internet to gather a list of potential causes to Oreo’s belly expansion and read up on symptoms and treatments, my hubby contacted two vets.

And to our disbelief and amazement we had a presumptive diagnosis, without a diagnostic test (because there is no such simple thing—a biopsy of affected tissue is necessary, and that can only occur at autopsy), Oreo probably had “wet” FIP (feline infectious peritonitis)—a progressive and fatal viral disease. I’d never heard of it! Why did she have it…and with symptoms occurring so fast? (Apparently stress was a big factor—had Oreo been so overwhelmed with our recent house visitors that it triggered her immune system to over respond to the dormant virus already in her body?)

Oreo’s body cavity was rapidly filling with fluid and we were told there was absolutely NOTHING that could be done to save her.

It was shocking and devastating news.

All we could do was give good supportive nursing care and awesome nutrition to make her as comfortable as possible and extend her life…but sadly, for only a short amount of time. It was to be a distasteful waiting game.

In yesterdays Blog post I described Oreo’s demeanor leading up to her final hours. And at the Blog’s close I said we were facing the difficult decision of whether or not to end her life, or let her die at home.

Well, we took her to the SPCA—her dilated pupils indicated she was in pain. At 4:30pm Oreo was given a lethal injection to end her suffering. 

Did we make the decision quickly enough? Did we let her suffer too long? Should we have let her keep going? Did we give in too quickly? Were we unwilling to pay large vet bills?

So many sources say, “Euthanasia is the most loving gift for a cat that is suffering, has lost her quality of life and has no chance of improvement.”

Somehow that doesn’t make it any easier to bear the burden of making that final decision. So here I sit in disbelief, shock and sadness at how rapidly it all unfolded.

I miss you so much Oreo. We all do. (Pumpkin is looking for you. But perhaps you can play with Tiger?)

Love always…

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

She simply sat there; her eyes semi-closed and her pupils hugely dilated even in broad daylight making them appear as large black glassy pools, looking up at me, like I had the answers.

Her face was gaunt like the rest of her bony body (except for her large and uncomfortable looking belly).

I walked over to her and cooed words of comfort and love as I scratched behind her ears.

She purred immediately.

I stroked her fur and tried to tempt her with the treats she had decided, only a few days ago, were her only food of choice.

But like yesterday, she was totally uninterested in eating anymore…and it was the same with drinking; she had nourished herself with declining frequency over the past two weeks.

Then carefully she turned and slowly wobbled back into the bedroom.

I followed her, watching as she wiggled her lower body in an attempt to gather energy for the two-foot leap to the top of the bed.

She barely made it.

Finally she nestled herself into a comfortable belly position atop her favorite plush blanket, the soothing hot water bottle underneath giving comfort to her FIP infested body.

Oreo, our one-year-old little lady who used to have the softest fur I’ve ever felt, was dying…and there was nothing that could be done to save her.

Although I was thankful she showed no obvious signs of pain, I had to wonder about those eyes…had she made the difficult sojourn into the kitchen to show me she was now in pain? Was she asking for help? Was she seeking reassurance? Or was she saying goodbye?

Decision time—Do I take her to the vet or SPCA…and end her life as they suggested? Or do I let her die at home?

All I know is…she deserves dignity, respect, comfort and peace.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

“I’ve had sleep paralysis episodes happen to me for years. One time I awoke paralyzed in my bed, but was able to open my eyes. Next to me was a very large cat the size of a mountain lion. I could make out its image in the darkness from the light coming in through the bedroom windows. It did not threaten me in any way—It was just sitting there. It was positioned next to me with its head toward the foot of the bed with the back of the animal towards my head, lying down—not sleeping, awake, kind of like a sphinx-like position.
“During some of these episodes, I have been pulled through walls. I have found myself in different worlds where I could fly through universes with lights around me. I have felt like I have left my body and gone through the wall and have gone through the solar system and back again. These things seem so real and always in color. I have often tried to awaken my husband and could not move a limb. I am always exhausted after it happens. One time I was able to open my eyes and saw an image of a person but it was transparent and consisted of something that looked like sparks. Even opening my eyes is hard to do when this happens.

~Connie

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

Maryland homemaker Mary Frye loved to write poetry for her own enjoyment…and to uplift the spirits of her friends, especially Margaret Schwarzkopf, a German Jewish woman, who was Mary’s closest friend.
In the 1930’s Margaret felt unable to visit her dying mother in Germany due to the anti-Semitic feeling at home. This led to Margaret’s tearful comment to Mary Frye, after a shopping trip, to say that she had been denied the chance to “stand at my mother’s grave and say goodbye.” This prompt caused Mary Frye to write a poem there and then on a piece of paper torn from a brown paper shopping bag, on her kitchen table, while her distressed friend was upstairs. Mary Frye said the poem simply “came to her.”

Here is the original version of Mary Frye’s poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

~’attributed to Mary E Frye, 1932′

Friends of the Schwarzkopf family arranged for a postcard or similar card to be printed featuring the poem, eventually leading to the verse being passed from person to person (and altered over time, with various people claiming authorship). Here is the version of Mary Fry’s poem as it was printed after Mary gave it to her friend, Margaret:

And here is yet another variation of Mary’s poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the snow on the mountain’s rim,
I am the laughter in children’s eyes,
I am the sand at the water’s edge,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle Autumn rain,
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the star that shines at night,
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

~Mary Elizabeth Frye (1904-2004)

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

“In sleep paralysis you wake up in bed, feel paralyzed, and tend to sense a terrifying presence in your room. Sometimes you see something; sometimes you hear noises or even feel electrical shocks throughout your body. I have personally seen a small humanoid during one occasion of sleep paralysis; during another, more recent one, I saw what looked like a dog in my room. Others see ghosts, vampires–whatever they have in their minds or are particularly afraid of. Deceased relatives and loved ones are particularly good candidates for showing up during bouts of sleep paralysis.”

~Kathy

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James