Schmerz…it’s a German word…and it describes the physical and emotional pain we suffer when we face a major loss. A friend or family member dies after a long fight with illness. A family pet is put down. Someone commits suicide. You suffer a miscarriage. You lose a limb. Maybe you lose your hearing. Or your […]

If you want to understand bereavement, you need to realize there is a difference between grief and mourning. Grief is a person’s internal experience, thoughts and feelings related to the experience of a great loss. Mourning is the external expression of one’s grief. So, a person may experience extremely painful grief but, because of a […]

“Tell me about it…what happened?” Melanie Hack Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend Read an excerpt now TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

2500 years ago the Buddha helped a bereaved woman accept the reality of her child’s death: The woman’s child died not long after it could walk, and in a distressed state the woman wandered the streets for days with the child in her arms asking everyone for a medicine to save her child. The Buddha, […]

When you feel you are ready—when the ache and rage and numbness no longer makes it seem like a senseless intrusion—I want you to read this: You have been missed by death, but someone you love has been hit. You have embarked upon one of the toughest things we must do in life. Go on. […]

Letting go is a powerful expression of love. Remember the poem: “If you love something let it go, If it comes back to you it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was.” “But letting go is so painful,” you think to yourself. (Sometimes you may feel that the holding on is all that’s keeping you […]

My mother has Alzheimer’s disease, as did/does most of her 13 siblings. Over the years I’ve watched Mom “leave” me. (If you’ve ever had that experience in your own family, well, you know how tough that is.) At night I’ve laid in bed thinking about Mom—Confused, sometimes in pain (she recently had hip replacement surgery […]

It’s a lot easier to have your loss validated when someone actually dies—but what if you’ve lost something that appears “hidden” (it can be an invalidated death) or something that is perhaps socially unacceptable or tangential (maybe you are experiencing something not listed here): A mastectomy An amputation A grafting An abortion An ectopic pregnancy […]

Many of you have written to me asking for tips and thoughts on topics related to grief and loss and death: Emotions (Anger—I recently talked a bit about that; Guilt; Depression…) Dealing with angry feelings towards a murderer Teen suicide Grieving something “hidden,” or tangential (miscarriage, disability, relationship breakup, getting fired…) How to say goodbye […]

OK, let’s turn our attention away from Cindy’s tragedy (I’ll come back to it) and focus on coping with illness and the accompanying loss. As a serious illness follows its course, there are many changes that occur. The result? –The patient and the family are continually dealing with losses… …Of life as they knew it […]