During the process of grief, you are bombarded with many stressful situations, feelings and thoughts that continually test your inner strength. You may deal with one matter only to find yourself facing another.
Thus, anger can compound as well as seem to spring up anew.
It can be frightening.
You may be surprised at its strength and alarmed at the things you do because of it.
It can be intense.
You may feel irritable at times and frustrated especially if you aren’t given the answers you need:
…How did your loved one die?
…Was there pain?
…What happened to the body?
There are so many questions unique to each situation.
With Cindy’s sudden death, I found that not having answers and information was extremely frustrating and generated of a lot of anger for me. I had a strong need for information. I had to learn to be able to allow myself to have the grief process but not necessarily the answers for the moment.
Easier said than done at times!
It was so frustrating.
Some days it was easier for me to intellectualize and get wrapped up in the brain work and I needed gentle nudging to remind me to feel the grief.
Above all I just wanted to know what happened. Did Cindy commit suicide as some people insinuated, or was she murdered and by whom? Why?
I felt like I would forever be in limbo and unable to move on with my life unless I just had an answer. I wondered if any other families had faced this same dilemma.
But it’s been a long road since then…it was back in 1989 that Cindy died. Wow…such a long time ago. And so much has changed in my life.
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My Friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James