A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.” The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab……………….. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
At the ages of 7 and 9 my children touched their deceased great-grandfather.
Perhaps you are wondering if all children should touch a deceased loved one. Children should NEVER be forced to view OR touch the body—they need to be given a choice that will be respected.
If they are going to view the body, it is helpful to remind them that death is final and describe how the body might look. Your explanation could go something like this:
“Grandpa will be lying in a wooden box called a casket. He will look like he is sleeping, but he is not. He is dead. His chest will not rise and fall because he is not breathing.”
For some children, touching the body may satisfy their curiosity, be a way of saying goodbye or be an expression of love. A child sometimes needs to touch or see the body to know that the death is real. (Often adults need this too.)
If the child decides to touch the body, s/he should be told that the body will feel cold and hard. If a child does not want to see or touch the body, an adult could relay that s/he saw the body and that the deceased was not living or breathing.
And don’t forget to ask the child if there is anything they would like to have buried with the loved one. It is usually comforting for a child to place a small gift, a drawing, a letter or a picture of himself or herself in the casket (or have an adult do it).
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Children should not be forced to go to a funeral if they feel uncomfortable about it.
In 2004 I took my two children (then aged 7 and 9) to their great-grandfather’s funeral (the funeral for my mother-in-law’s father, Gido). They attended the private viewing (where they saw and touched Gido in the open casket—In my next Blog I’ll talk about children touching a body) and they also went to the funeral and family gathering afterwards.
But before attending anything with them (we had a long drive—it was a full day’s drive from where we lived), I talked with them about what they could expect and what they wanted to do (what they felt comfortable with). Both wanted to attend everything. Afterwards we also talked about what it was like for them, and I answered any questions they had, and listened to their feelings and thoughts.
Taking children to a funeral can be very healthy for them if their needs are met.
But never force them to go against their will!
You have to be attentive and watch their body language (often children, through their behavior, show what they are feeling instead of by telling you).
I know this can be hard if you are deep in grief—that’s where you can enlist the help of someone you trust.
Because my husband was a pallbearer at Gido’s funeral, I asked my father-in-law if he could help me with the children. (My son adores his grandfather, Don. In this situation I had to ask the grieving widow if it was OK for Don to attend with us because he and the widow’s daughter were divorced—I sure didn’t want to add any problems for anyone!)
My daughter sat on my lap while my son sat beside us (on his grandfather’s lap)…
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.
~Theodore Roosevelt
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles…
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second-guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won’t stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys…
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children’s graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can’t handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day…
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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For each new morning with it’s light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
With Thanksgiving on the horizon I know someone…I’ll call her Alice…who is thankful to be alive.
You see, last Monday Alice was driving and was in a car accident.
A drunk driver hit her.
The impaired driver was arrested. (He was also arrested the night before, having caused a similar accident while under the influence but was out the next day and driving another car.)
The force of the impact caused the seatbelt to cut across Alice’s head under the jaw but it only compressed the carotid artery, it didn’t sever it.
She is convinced more than ever she is destined to do some really important work and all the people at the scene of the accident believe her survival to be nothing short of miraculous. (She was hit many times but was unconscious for all but the first impact.)
She suffered no broken bones or teeth—a fact she is very happy…and thankful… about.
She says it’s the first time in her life she was thrilled to be short and fat—it was one of the factors that saved her life. Her seat must be right up close to the steering wheel for her to reach the pedals, being short her head did not hit the windshield, and having a large abdomen (a by-product of the stress she has endured this past year) she did not move around the interior with the g-forces the same way a thin person would have.
The other saving graces were her seatbelt and the airbags, which exploded on impact (the car that hit her was doing 100+mph on mounting her car’s hood before becoming airborne—his tire tracks can be seen right up to the windshield and the force of the collision tore off his wheel as it hit her windshield!)
She has turned purple from the waist up but her spirits are good.
She quotes Rocky Balboa: “In life it’s not how hard you get hit, it’s how hard you can get hit and still keep moving forward!”
And that’s what Alice plans to do.
Move Forward!
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
On the second Monday of October, we in Canada celebrate Thanksgiving, whereas the American Thanksgiving falls in November. That means next Monday, October 12th, 2009, is our day of celebration.
And what a glorious time of year our Canadian Thanksgiving falls on…the trees are abundant with brilliant colors – leaves of red, yellow, orange and brown!
But perhaps you hardly notice the beauty around you because you’ve recently experienced the death of a loved one, or you’ve lost your job and are wondering how you’ll pay for your basic needs, or you’ve received bad news from the doctor, or you’re missing a loved one and it’s almost too much to bear.
Do you find yourself staring at the those words ‘Thanksgiving Day’ and wondering, “What do I have to be thankful for?”
When life’s struggles seem to block out all joy, you have to make a conscious decision to be thankful.
Give thanks that s/he was in your life, even for a time that was much too brief!
Give a belated thanksgiving for all the blessings you never noticed at the time and turned your back on.
Take nothing for granted.
Give thanks for the candle you light in honor of your beloved.
Give thanks for the memories you have…the happy times.
This is a time of reflection—to reassess the priorities in your life.
But don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Is there something you are thankful for?
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James
We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
~Author Unknown
Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James