You have no idea how I would do almost anything to be able to talk with my sister Cindy …to hug her…to tell her I love her…and to bring her up-to-date with all the special things that have been happening in my family…the new additions, the awards, the trips… Twenty-two years ago today, Cindy. Never […]

The day before my father passed away he pulled me onto the bed with him and hugged me hard saying, “You need to understand.” I wasn’t sure specifically what he was referring to but I had several good ideas and all of them deserved a response from me of, “It’s OK Dad. I do understand.” […]

Grief is a normal and personal response to loss. Grief is powerful. Grief is a process. Grief work takes a lot of energy…and if you put if off it will still be there, waiting. Grieving is like a deep wound that eventually heals and closes…but whose terrible scar remains and still can hurt at times. […]

We are all a part of a family system, and each system has a role and a level of functioning with historical roots. And my family, like most families, had “the black sheep” (my middle brother), “the prodigal son” (my youngest brother), “the smart one” (me, according to Cindy’s 1986 autobiography), “the good-looking one” (Cindy), […]

There are a lot of options available which allow you to fully express your grief. Find which ones work for you. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. It’s OK. Besides expressive arts (as mentioned in my previous Blog) other helpful strategies are: 1)     Screaming into a towel. 2)    The Gestalt approach – […]

Lately I’ve posted Blogs about being with the dying, changes in a dying person, signs of death and death of a parent. I’ve had many responses. Among them is one from a woman named Ellen, who has a daughter of her own. One thing that surprised Ellen was the difference between losing her father and […]

Here’s a myth you may have heard expressed in the following ways: “Everyone dies, and people who have lived a long, full life are expected to die. You’re a grown–up. You shouldn’t be so upset when your parent dies because you knew it was coming.” Or, “Be glad he lived a long, full life.” And […]

Someone you love is dying. It hardly seems possible. It hurts. It hurts to see them go through what they’re going through. It hurts that you cannot protect them, that you cannot change their outcome. It hurts to feel all that you feel. It feels as if a part of you is dying too. You […]

During my walk this morning I was preoccupied with thoughts…sorrow over the sudden recent death of my aunt (my Mom’s delightful younger sister who, at age 86, passed away yesterday—like my mother, my aunt has Alzheimer’s but sadly Auntie would get very confused and panicky and couldn’t take it any more so she stopped eating), […]

What I read in the newspaper headline wasn’t that alarming: “Toddler wiggled out of Mom’s arms” it said. But it was the story that made me cry because, as a mother having teenagers, I could relate to when my children were young—to imagine holding my 15-month-old infant and have him wiggle out of my grasp […]